victorf@houca.UUCP (09/06/84)
I wonder, have any of you seen the newest 'martial arts' gem. I'm of course talking about Ninja Mission. If you haven't seen it yet be sure to miss it, unless, like me, you can find some kind of perverse humor in bad acting, bad writing, bad plot, let's just say, bad EVERYTHING. This movie is the most violent, bloodiest thing to ever hit a screen. This normally wouldn't be a problem with me. A certain amount of violence can make a film exciting, especially when combined with suspense. Ninja Mission was not exciting because the violence never stopped. You got 15 minutes of machine guns then 2 minutes of bad acting then 20 minutes of machine guns and so on. And speaking of machine guns, whoever heard of ninja with machine guns? These guys must have been trained under a very modernized master! I went out to get popcorn, came back and my friend told me I had missed some actual karate action. I waited and waited but I never saw it happen again. They should have called this one Automatic Weapons Mission. But let me get to the best part of the movie, the acting. This baby featured such classic lines as: 'You're talking crap to me aren't you' 'We know about this crap' 'The fate of the world hangs in the balance' 'This is a code so complex only I can decode it' 'Go **** an Eskimo' All these lines were said in total seriousness by actors with talent about equal to a warthog's. There were points when I thought I was going to die from laughter. Only my three friends and I were laughing and we were trying to hold it in. People were mad at first but soon came to our way of thinking and by the end the whole audience was laughing. Espcially popular was the first quote above. That line was delivered with such finesse that I had a hard time deciding whether or not the actor knew English. This was partly due to the fact that the voices did not match the movements of the mouth, which would be fine if the language being spoken wasn't English! See this movie, you'll laugh till you cry... or cry till you laugh. Scott Thompson (ihnp4!hoqax!rst)