edward@pro-harvest.cts.com (Edward Floden) (02/04/90)
Found on the Joke Roundtable of GEnie: ---------- The NiCE Computer At first glance, the NiCE machine looks very unlike other computers -- it is a box, eighteen inches on a side, that comes painted to look like a solved Rubik's cube, thus giving the new owner a sense of accomplishment just for having removed it from the packaging. It comes with all kinds of bells and whistles, and several orchestral instruments as well. The built-in CD player and wet bar is an optional feature that really improves the user environment. An internal 330 Keg hard drive keeps the wet bar well-stocked. The CD Library includes the complete works of Frank Zappa and features a search function that can locate real and imaginary songs in a matter of nanohours. The chic-looking monitor, modem, laser printer, and built-in microwave oven make it the perfect conversation piece. The mahogany flat top of the laser printer can be used for stacking papers, house plants, or as a convenient place to display your Lava Lamp. But the NiCE machine has more than just good looks and style, it has great software as well. With WriteMom, all your personal correspondence is handled without your having to even open your mail. Just insert the unopened envelope in the mail port in the back and it reads it, recycles it, and answers it with far more grace and style than the best word processors. You can even insert bills, and it will send a polite note explaining why you cannot pay them now. [Note: this feature does not work with statements from NiCE, Inc.] The $creen$aver program allows the NiCE to balance your checkbook, pay your phone bill, and cheat on your taxes convincingly whenever the monitor is turned off. And if that weren't enough, the NiCE is more than user-friendly. In fact, it's user-supportive. Where else could you find a machine that will listen to your troubles for ten hours and then buy you a beer? So remember, when you're thinking about buying a new computer... Have a NiCE day. UUCP: crash!pro-harvest!edward ProLine: edward@pro-harvest ARPA: crash!pro-harvest!edward@nosc.mil CIS: 73220.1624@compuserve.com INET: edward@pro-harvest.cts.com America Online: EdwardF4 BITNET: edward%pro-harvest.cts.com@nosc.mil GEnie: E.FLODEN