reiher@ucla-cs.UUCP (02/03/85)
A lot of times when I leave a movie theater I'm unexcited.
The picture entertained me, more or less, while it was on, but
left nothing behind. Fairly often I'm disappointed; the film
didn't live up to my hopes. Very rarely do I feel cheated, but I
felt cheated after seeing "The Dungeonmaster".
Understand, now, that I didn't feel cheated after seeing
cheesy fantasy adventure films like "Deathstalker" or "Yor". I
didn't like them very much, but I didn't feel cheated. Why,
then, did "The Dungeonmaster", a film for which I had very low
expectations, disappoint me? It's an audition, or, more precise-
ly, several auditions. They made me pay to see a bunch of audi-
tions, and most of those auditioning aren't talented. Throw in
the fact that the film is only 65 minutes long, and even at bar-
gain matinee prices I was cheated. I would have been cheated if
I saw it for free.
The auditioners are seven directors and a special effects
company. My best guess about the genesis of this film is that
seven people just out of film school got together, pooled some
rather meager resources, and decided to make a film to demon-
strate their talents. So far, so good. However, they neglected
to include in their efforts the one element which impoverished
filmmakers can afford to indulge in: imagination. There is not
one tiny bit of imagination in this film. It is shoddily written
and shoddily directed.
The film is divided up into a framing story and seven seg-
ments. The framing story is stupid and dull at first, then it
improves: it's just stupid and nearly tolerable. The seven seg-
ments are ripoffs. The most entertaining thing one can do while
watching "The Dungeonmaster" is to decide which films each seg-
ment was ripped off from. There's a Ray Harryhausen ripoff; a
mad slasher ripoff which if it weren't so close on the heels of
"The Terminator" would also play as a ripoff of that film; a wax
museum horror movie ripoff; a "Road Warrior" ripoff which starts
with a ripoff from "Close Encounters"; a "Living Dead" film rip-
off; and there's also a ripoff of a scene from "The Empire
Strikes Back".
Each segment is directed by a different person. There was
no mention of which of them directed the framing sequence, which
is hardly fair, since the seven segments account for no more than
40 minutes of the very brief running time. For those not in a
mathematical mood, that's a little over 5 minutes a segment.
With the exception of Stephen Ford, who contributes the mad
slasher segment, none of them show any visible display of talent.
If this is the best they can do, they'd better seriously consider
going into the haberdashery business. Ford's segment, while no
more original in plot than the others, does show some interesting
visual choices. If he had more time and a reasonable story to
work with, perhaps he might have come up with something worthwhile.
As for the others, since they mostly wrote their own "stories", if
you can consider five minutes a story, they have no one but themselves
to blame.
The framing story is quite ridiculous. This dolt who, ap-
parently as a result of an experiment, can "plug in", whatever
that means, to his ever-so-intelligent computer is wisked off by
some sort of baddy to engage in a contest for the latter's amuse-
ment. The baddy may be a wizard, he may be a demon, he may be
the devil himself. If the filmmakers ever decided which, they
neglected to include their choice in the script. At any rate,
this villainous bozo fits up the heroic bozo with a weird costume
and a link to his computer. What can the computer do for him?
Anything the filmmakers feel is convenient at the moment. Need
to fry a nasty? Gee whiz, it can shoot laser beams at the touch
of a button. Need to counter an apparition of a dragon? Well,
our friendly computer can do that, too. About to fall over a
cliff? Not to worry, the computer will project a solid beam of
energy for you to hold onto. Worried about where your imperiled
sweetie will be when the mad slasher tries to kill her? No
sweat, the computer can predict it. Talk about deus ex machina.
Perhaps something could be salvaged if the plentiful direc-
tors had been talented. They aren't. With the exception of
Ford, none of them demonstrate any facility for shooting any sort
of scene whatsoever. I will do them a favor by not listing their
names. Were I they, I would adopt a new professional name so
that I was not associated with this debacle.
The only good thing about "The Dungeonmaster" is that a few
of the effects are passable. Just like the plots, though, these
are ripoffs. A stop-motion animation figure is obviously a lit-
tle more than inspired by Harryhausen's creations. Even so, it's
not bad stop motion animation. Not great, but not bad. A nasty
puppet called Ratspit obviously owes something to "The Dark Cry-
stal" and perhaps even to "Gremlins". The energy zaps that the
effects people are so fond of have appeared in a dozen space
operas. The gruesome makeups aren't new either. In short, Make-
up and Mechanical Imageries Inc., and makeup artist John Buechler
have made it clear that they are to be considered if you want low
budget, unexceptional, unoriginal special effects. Remember,
this is the good part of the film. The actors, who I will spare
by not naming, do their best and are not to be blamed, but are
definitely not in the picture-saving range. The cinematography
is passable but undistinguished.
As previously stated, the film is only a little over an hour
long. The theater I saw it with felt so ashamed that they padded
it with a short, almost unheard of nowadays. I can get angry at
this running time two ways: it's too short and it's too long.
Asking people to pay five or six bucks for one hour's entertain-
ment is almost criminal. On the other hand, it would be nearly
as bad if they padded the film with any more of this idiocy.
It's taken me longer to write one pass at this review than
it did to see "The Dungeonmaster". Why waste this time? Because
I want to warn you. Don't see this film! It is absolutely
worthless and deserves to sink into oblivion without making a
nickel. In fact, please do me a favor and tell your friends not
to see it either. Complete outrages against cinema should be
punished, and this is the only way to do it. Well, maybe not the
only way. If any of you out in netland just happen to know any-
one connected with this film, please be so kind as to personally
tell them for me that their film sucked and that I think they
should be ashamed of themselves. While you're at it, make sure
that they pass the message on to all of the other people involved
with the film. I fervently hope that someone, preferably someone
who had intimate connections with the making of "The Dungeonmas-
ter", takes a huge financial bath on this film.
--
Peter Reiher
reiher@ucla-cs.arpa
{...ihnp4,ucbvax,sdcrdcf}!ucla-cs!reiher