steven@ism70.UUCP (04/08/85)
Mr. Box Office Goes to the Drive-in: I think that it's far, far better to see bad movies at the drive-in. Even if they aren't your classic Joe Bob Briggs-type slasher, kung fu, bouncing bimbo flicks, you can at least scream at the picture without disturbing your fellow movie-goers (whom, I might add to those people of the TV generation who insist on doing this in a 6.00 admission first-run, will one day rise up and kill you for talking in those circumstances). You can also drink beer and pay attention to other, more interesting things that come up whilst in the dark. This is why and how I saw: KING DAVID Starring Richard Gere and Edward Woodward. Also starring Alice Krige, Cherie Lunghi, Niall Buggy, Denis Quilley and Hurd Hatfield. Directed by Bruce Beresford. Written by James Costigan and Andrew Birkin. Story by James Costigan. Based on the Books of Samuel I and V, the Chronicles and the Psalms of David. Produced by Martin Elfand. Photographed by Donald McAlpine. Production Designed by Ken Adam. Edited by William Anderson. Music by Carl Davis. From Paramount Pictures. (1985) This was my version of celebrating Easter. Sure I'm a heathen, but what difference does it make? David, in this telling, is picked by the Prophet somebody-or-other to one day be King of the Israelites. King Saul brings along the young David as a soldier and conqueror (we get to see David vs. Goliath), and then we get to the thematic heart of this story: David defies God and he pays the price for it. I don't want to fault the Bible's dramatic sense, but it sure seemed abrupt to me the way that Saul suddenly turned against David. Eventually, David becomes King and 1) decides to build a temple to house the Ark of the Covenant _a_g_a_i_n_s_t_ _G_o_d_'_s_ _w_i_s_h_e_s and 2) refuses to carry out his own son Absalom's death sentence _a_g_a_i_n_s_t_ _G_o_d_'_s_ _w_i_s_h_e_s. Guess who wins. Beresford, Don McAlpine and Ken Adam make the picture look wonderful. It has a human scale to it, and still looks lavish. Gere ranges from inappropriate to not-bad. Ed Woodward gives a wonderful interpretation of Saul. Some fairly heavy blood in the battle scenes, but what do you expect when you give a bunch of Italian extras spears, swords and arrows? Tastefully done for the most part. The screenplay has a wonderfully literate way with its dialogue. My favorite line: BATHSHEBA He scorns to lie with me. Slow going in the beginning, but it does finally pick up in the end. Two and a half stars out of four. and FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING From Paramount Pictures (1985). This was playing at the screen across the way. You could hear the screams wafting across the tarmac, 'cause even though it's a Cine-Fi drive-in, they have speakers for vans and trucks in the back row. Anyway, whenever _K_i_n_g_ _D_a_v_i_d had a night scene, I'd look over and check out Jason's latest garden variety of garden-instrument killings. Apparently, the film begins with some survivor from the last one waking up in the hospital after escaping from Jason. In between all the killings in this one, you can see the same actor contorting his face cause he think's that _h_e_'_s becoming like Jason. Anyway, at the end there's this double nightmare scene where he sticks this girl who comes to visit him in the hospital. He wakes up all sweaty and goes over to the dresser, where the nurses have wisely left a goalie's mask, and so when she comes to visit him in real life, he's waiting for her behind the doorjamb. She turns around, screams, and we pan into the Jason mask and upraised knife. Good stuff, huh? Socially reprehensible filmmaking at its finest. No stars out of four, needless to say. and BERRY GORDY'S THE LAST DRAGON Starring Taimak, Vanity and Julius J. Carry III. Directed by Michael Schultz. From Tri-Star Pictures (1985). I didn't really see this, cause I was too busy cackling over _T_h_e _S_l_u_g_g_e_r_'_s_ _W_i_f_e. But before _S_l_u_g_g_e_r started going full-bore downhill, I did catch the scene where the Shogun of Harlem challenges all the patrons at a grind house showing _E_n_t_e_r_ _t_h_e _D_r_a_g_o_n to a fistfest. Pretty hilarious. It seems to be a film that deserves an actual review, so I'll shut up on this one. and THE SLUGGER'S WIFE Starring Michael O'Keefe and Rebecca DeMornay. Also starring Martin Ritt, Randy Quaid and Cleavant Derricks. Directed by Hal Ashby. Written by Neil Simon. Produced by Ray Stark. Photographed by Caleb Deschanel. Production Designed by Bill Malley. Executive Music Producers Quincy Jones and Tom Bahler. Music Score by Patrick Williams. From Columbia Pictures. (1985) This is the worst motion picture I've seen so far this year. Horrible (Not counting _F_r_i_d_a_y_ _t_h_e_ _1_3_t_h_ _P_a_r_t_ _V_:_ _A_ _N_e_w_ _B_e_g_i_n_n_i_n_g, see above). Loosely based on the romance between Neil Simon/Marsha Mason via Dodger slugger Mike Marshall/Go-Go's lead warbler Belinda Carlisle, we've got the Atlanta Braves' Daryl Palmer (Mikey O'Keefe; why did the Braves lend their name to this? 'Cause there's a cameo shot of Ted Turner in the stands. Goddamn egomaniac!) falling for Pat Benatarish Debbie Houston (Rebecca) in the opening seconds of the pic. We don't know why, but who asks questions of lovers, huh? So, Debbie keeps avoiding Daryl cause not only does he act like a jerk, she's got her aspiring singer career to take up all her time, she says. Ashby, who even directed _L_e_t_'_s_ _S_p_e_n_d_ _t_h_e_ _N_i_g_h_t _T_o_g_e_t_h_e_r not three years ago, puts the camera dead proscenium center for all the pseudo-music-video sequences. Where did he forget all he learned? What was Neil Simon on that he fell in the trap of writing "scenes" consisting of two one-liners shot back by Daryl and Debbie and let's cut to the next location?? _T_h_e _S_l_u_g_g_e_r_'_s_ _W_i_f_e doesn't have a single scene that lasts longer than a minute and a half for the first hour of its existence. And since nearly all the scenes are _j_u_s_t Daryl and Debbie whining at each other, you get real claustrophobic. O'Keefe is bad; DeMornay is worse. The songs are all retreads, with the exception of "Oh Jimmy" (as seen on MTV). What did Quincy Jones get his bucks for doing, anyway? Who _w_a_n_t_s to see some pop star massacre "Hungry Heart" or "Hey Hey, My My" anyway? After an hour of unfunny bad comedy, it even has the gall to _t_u_r_n _m_e_l_o_d_r_a_m_a_t_i_c_?_!_? This picture takes no prisoners, man. One star out of four.