moriarty@fluke.UUCP (Jeff Meyer) (05/24/85)
VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS (U.S.A., 1985)
Director: James Fargo
Screenwriters: S. James Guldotti, Edward Gold and Charles Harlston
Cast: **PIA ZADORA**, Tom Nolan, Craig Sheffer, Rhema, Allson La
Placa, Jimmy & the Mustangs,, and Ruth Gordon as The Sheriff.
Special Video Appearance by Jermaine Jackson.
<<WORLD PREMIERE>>
Talk about a tangible aura for a midnight movie. Talk about bated
breath. Talk about blurred vision. Talk about a film that is going
to turn this country on it Lazy Susan. We've got a Major Release
right here in The Emerald City. We've got music. We go yoks (not
many, but I'm getting ahead of myself). And we have got a star.
A big star.
I mean -- Pia Zadora.
And you poor boobies are going to have to wait a month or two to
see it. Like, whatta rip, man. 'Cause this here movie's just tryin' to
be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. It tries to satirize alien
movies, teen-age movies, new wave movies, slasher movies, and
other features. In the cold light of day, it probably doesn't do too
good a job, but hey! We're talking the midnight opening night
here. This crowd could have watched Peter O'Toole read out of the
Yellow Pages for 2 hours with no pain.
_Voyage_of_the_Rock_Aliens tells the story of Pia and Frankey.
Frankey is a real tough guy who terrorizes the local high school,
beats up anyone who disagrees with him, makes sure his is the
only band in town, and (horror of horrors) won't let Pia sing in his
rock band! Even though they've probably HAD SEX! I mean, no
justice.... Well, anyway, these explorers from outer space land to
examine the natives, and the leader, who looks a lot like The
Creature from the aforementioned Rocky Horror Show, falls for Pia.
From there on, you get the idea.
So, you want a recommendation? Well, this is no Buckaroo Banzai.
It's not quite another Rocky Horror. It might be a close runner-up
to Shock Treatment, but that's because the music numbers there
were really bad -- _Voyages_'s seemed catchy to me at the time,
but it could have been the chocolate-mint brownies. And it was
worth the price of admission to see Ruth Gordon smootch the
picture of Clint Eastwood (I believe portraying Dirty Harold -- I
recognized the sneer). But all in all, a pretty disappointing entry.
However, Pia has to be complemented for her career planning
brilliance. After "Unlucky Lady", she must have realized that there
was no way she could redeem her reputation as an actress (urp)
unless she placed herself in an abysmal script where the actors are
SUPPOSED to act badly! And I must say, she does her usual superb
job in this task. In this ever-changing world, a few things can still
be counted on...
"I'm going to have you wrapped in a U.S. flag and burned personally by the
President, in high octane American gasoline!"
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
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