chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach) (05/24/85)
HBO has been showing 'The House of the Long Shadows', a new horror film
starring all of the old horror film greats such as Vincent Price,
Christopher Lee and John Carradine.
It is, when all is said and done, a satire of horror films in the same way
that 'Murder By Death' was a satire of detective films. Unlike 'Murder By
Death' it attempts to satirize without getting silly, and does so
suprisingly well.
Plot synopsis: Author taking dinner with Publisher. Author bets publisher
that he can write a horror novel in 24 hours, given the right atmosphere.
Publisher just happens to own house in wales that hasn't been lived in for
40 years. No electricity, no phone. Great, author says!
Author drives to house in Wales. Cue thunderstorm. Author gets lost, stops
by railway station, meets geeky couple, meets old lady who disappears in
tinkle of broken glass, meets railway agent who warns him about curse at
the house and suggests he doesn't want to go there.
Author, who has written many of these books himself, goes anyway (so
much for intelligence). Author meets caretakers of house (that hasn't
been lived in for 40 years). Caretakers have full banquet set out,
service for six. Author meets pretty blonde lady that happened to have
been in restaurant. Lady tells strange story, breaks down, admits to
being publishers secretary. Coincidence, they say. Strange man shows
up, knows caretakers, happened to have been in the neighborhood and the
car broke down. Happened to have key to house (that hasn't been lived
in for 40 years).
New man shows up. Also knows caretakers. Happens to like old houses, felt
like dropping by and looking. In thunderstorm. With key (this makes about 8
keys, of which two are in existence, for a house that hasn't been lived in
for 40 years).
Author finds gallery. Author finds pictures. Pictures look suprisingly like
the people downstairs, who all just happened into a house that hasn't been
lived in for 40 years. Author notices that one picture is missing. Cue
strange music.
ANOTHER new man shows up. With key. He is going to BUY this old house (that
hasn't been lived in for 40 years) and wants to know what in the hell all
of these people are doing having a banquet in his (almost) house.
Everyone eats. Music, singing, recriminations, crying, tears. Terrible
pasts, family scandal. Tonight is the 40th anniversary, of course, and
tonight the deeds of the past are to be culminated. Geeky couple show up,
soaking wet. Terrible secrets, announcements, a death, stalking murderers,
slashed tires, dead phones.
Everyone starts dying except murderer, Author, and cute blonde. Most in
gruesome ways, fortunately more or less off camera. Final battle, Author
choked to death by murderer. But WAIT! Author rolls over and pushed
murderer down stairs, only sharp metal object. Murderer dies.
Publisher walks out of hallway, laughing. Says 'I knew you had a good book
in you'. All dead people get up, congratulate themselves, and leave. Cute
blonde admits to being married to other actor, leaves. Author, pissed,
writes book.
Scene: London. Author hands book to publisher. Publisher doesn't remember
previous night. Author meets secretary (remember the cute blonde?) on way
out. She's single. He asks 'Do you believe in love in first sight?' She
says 'Not normally, but I might make an exception'
Question: What happened to reality?
the end.
Sound campy? right. Sound like they could never pull it off? Well, they
did. Until the end of the movie you never realize that it IS camp, and when
all of the switching around is done, you aren't quite sure which version to
believe. Unlike the last 10 minutes of metaphysical garbage in Raiders of
the Lost Ark, these ramdom rearrangements of history serve the movie well,
similar to the final switcharounds in Murder By Death.
vincent price and cristopher lee put in their normal wonderful
performances. A movie well worth trying to see.
--
:From the misfiring synapses of: Chuq Von Rospach
{cbosgd,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA
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