moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime) (05/28/85)
As some of you may know, I've been attending the Seattle
International Film Festival for the last few weeks, and part of the
show is a group of Midnight Movies which I've attended. A couple
of weeks ago, at the Midnight preview of Voyage of the Rock Aliens
(with Pia Zadora! -- see review in net.movies), I noticed that at
least 30 people in the Seattle audience were Rajneeshees (sp?) (red
clothing, necklaces, etc. -- very obvious (I'm from Oregon :-) )). I
thought this curious at the time -- I hadn't seen them at any of the
other films; but I wrote it off as being another sign of the universal
appeal of Ms. Zadora. Nothing sinister had crossed my mind --
then.
This week, I attended the Midnight Movie for the second time --
and the Rajneeshes were back for (blah!) The Perils Of Gwendolyn!
My mind went numb! The implications were staggering! I realized
that a lesser man (or woman, excuse me) would have let this small
detail pass by; but, my talent for induction had alerted me to this
cunning plot! As a precaution, I went and saw four 70 MM films
from midnight to 11AM last night, and the Crimson Cowled
Contingent were once more taking up a couple rows of choice seats
(and buying up the Jordan almonds, too).
Well, after much thought and too much McEwan's Scotch Ale, I've
come to the following conclusion: this knowledge can be used for
Good or Evil. It could be that this is a sign that this Rajneesh
doesn't quite understand the meaning of "cult" film and is sending
his people out to the theaters. Or it could mean that we've found
the one way to free Antelope, Oregon for all time: put a theatre up
in the middle of Idaho and have it only show Eating Raul at
midnight. This should attract 'em quick-like... of course, it could
mean the worst -- that the Rajneesh is sending his agents among us
to find out the greatest weakness of modern Americans -- the need
for bad films. With his vast resources and his army of devoted
followers, Mr. Rolls Royce could have a flood of poor pictures out to
tempt the moral core of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public even as we
speak. It's not a pretty picture. And what if Pia Zadora decides to
team up with him? Or Chuck Norris? Or (gasp) the producers of
Porkys? We could be over-run in weeks!
Any information leading to the answer to this mysterious
coincidence would be appreciated, and will be passed on to the
proper authorities through the proper channels by guys with
the Right Stuff. So don't worry. OK?
"For I perceive that behind this seemingly
unrelated sequence of events, there lurks
a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
"Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
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