srt@ucla-cs.UUCP (08/08/85)
THUNDER WARRIORS is Canon Group's rip-off of the Mad Max movies. In
retrospect, I'm surprised that no one has tried to rip-off the concept
before this.
THUNDER WARRIORS is set after the fall of civilization due to a nuclear war.
The war was started by the Americans when the missile alert system failed
and erroneously reported a Soviet missile attack. [You'll be pleased to
know that, despite destroying the world as a bad side-effect, America won
the war.] The main feature of society after the crash is that the sexes
have divided into two camps. The women live in a small fortified city,
supporting themselves by farming. The men live nomadic lives in the
surrounding hills, often in areas of dangerous radioactivity. In general,
the women dominate the men, primarily due to their higher level of
civilization (i.e., better weapons). The women occaisonally visit a place
of "seeding" where captured men specially trained for stud service impregnate
them.
The plot follows rather haphazardly the careers of a man who will in time
become the leader of the men and a woman who will become the leader of the
women.
Now, I know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself, Self, I know
exactly what is going to happen. The men and the women are going to come
into conflict. The man leader is going to have to deal with the woman leader.
Somehow, they are going to fall in love, and magically, the two sides are
going to be unified and everything ends happily ever after.
Well. Yes.
Besides being utterly predictable and boring (ho hummmm) this movie has a
number of other glaring faults. For starters, the acting is terrible. The
two main characters in the men's camp give passable performances, but nearly
every female character is horribly over-played or acted with wooden
technique. The only bright spot amongst the cast is the fawning old man
who is the keeper of the toys (the young male children in the female camp,
who have no point at all). He plays an outrageously campy old queen, and
provides a desperately needed bit of comic relief. Of course, the script
helps him a bit: Near the end of the film he gets knifed in the back. Blood
spurts out of his mouth, and he falls to the ground a sure goner. Moments
later he struggles to lift his head. He has to warn the men's camp!
Painfully he begins to crawl away. Several days later we spot him again,
still crawling, now several miles away from the women's camp, still
desperately trying to reach the men. Played straight, I swear!
Some other particularly bad points:
o Mutation is equal to blue fruit in the minds of these film-makers.
o A cassette tape left over from before the war proves to have Wagner's
Valkyrie and JLL's Whole Lotta Shaking Going On on it back to back.
o The women are constantly fighting in some of the most poorly choreographed
fight scenes ever to grace nitrate stock. The scenes where the women
fight the men are particularly bad.
o In a post-holocaust world where living is a day to day struggle, the
women find time to have their hair professionally done. They also
apparently found a huge cache of make-up.
o A scene many feminists should find repugnant: One of the woman characters
is sent for her seeding, an event she finds obviously distasteful and
counter to her beliefs. In fact, she is tied to the bed. Yet, once the
act starts, she begins to enjoy it, and at the end of the film ends up
with her seeder.
The most annoying facet of the movie was the complete ignorance the film-makers
demonstrated concerning human psychology. The seeding scene above is one
example. There is no homosexuality in either camp. Neither the men nor the
women have any sexual motivation. Lifelong slaves are freed and, upon
bathing, become free men in every way. Despite years of antipathy, the two
leaders fall in love (and in bed) immediately. (They also magically know what
to do once they get there.)
In short, we are talking about a bad, bad film here. Far and away the worst
film I have seen in a LONG time. Even worse (gulp!) than European Vacation.
(Un)Fortunately, I saw it at a studio preview, so it may never see the light
of day. We can but hope.
-- Scott