bbmgr%etd2.dnet@WPAFB-AVLAB.ARPA (04/01/89)
DoD Abandons Ada
In a surprise move, the Department of Defense today abandoned its push toward
the ADA programming language standard. Shell-shocked defense-related companies
are scrambling to respond to this unexpected maneuver.
According to the DoD, ADA was regarded by the White House as being "too wimpy"
for American computers to use, and so the Department was withdrawing its
support for the language.
Instead, a new computer language (tentatively named "RAMBO-TRAN" - Raw
AlgorithMetic Binary Operations TRANsitional Language) will be required for all
future DoD contracts.
RAMBO-TRAN is reportedly a column-dependent, unstructured computer language
which relies heavily on JUMP statements, denial returns, and arithmetic IF's.
All statements must start in column 1, eliminating the possibility of indenting
source code. Although character strings are supported, they are limited to a
maximum of 4 letter words.
Perhaps the most controversial feature of the new computer language is that
RAMBO-TRAN does not support comments. (As Casper Ghostberger puts it "Comments
make it easy for the commie spies to steal and decipher our Software.")
Asked if the lack of comments wouldn't make software maintenance considerably
more difficult, Ghostberger replied that "real" programmers don't like to
comment anyway. (In a related move, there are apparently efforts being made on
Capitol Hill to link the words `comment' and `commie'.)
Unlike most current programming languages which offer extensive error-checking
capabilities, RAMBO-TRAN makes no provision for errors ("Real programmers don't
make errors" aserts a source within the Department of Defense.)
Instead, the programmer initially targets a "mission" for his task; then if an
unexpected error arises, the program begins performing immediate "GOTO"
operations, all designed to bring the program closer to that ultimate goal,
whatever it may be.
If the program is nevertheless thwarted from performing its mission, it
self-destructs (taking as many other programs with it as possible).
In a related move the Apple Computer Corporation announced that it had already
met 80 percent of the RAMBO-TRAN standards, particularly those involving
self-destruction. The company is reportedly gearing up for an expected
increase in DoD supported business.