dave@cylixd.UUCP (Dave Kirby) (10/14/85)
The deluge of postings and mail I have gotten regarding "Totally Bad Movies" has reached the point to where I can declare with all certainty that there is sufficient evidence to support my original theory: that there are movies that are totally bad in every way. With that established, I hereby conclude the discussion of Totally Bad Movies with this posting (break out the champagne, guys!). However, I wish to continue the more enjoyable part of this discussion by beginning a new subject: "Bad Movies Worth Seeing." These movies don't have to be totally bad, but they must be bad enough to be amusing or worth seeing for some reason. The mail and postings I have read on movies like "Plan 9" were the most enjoyable for me, so I solicit your ideas on what bad movies you would recommend that I see. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The list of Totally Bad Movies, as of this final posting, stands at: A Certain Sacrifice I Spit on your Grave Deathstalker Inchon Dungeonmaster Insignificance Felicity Night Patrol First Family Protocol Glen or Glenda Silent Night, Deadly Night Ghoulies Star Crush Grand Theft Auto The Ninja Mission Hercules The Trip *Fairy Tales Winds of Change (The Creeping Terror) Megaforce *Wholly Moses *Satyricon *Space Monster (Title doubtful - see notes) *Q *Yor, the Hunter from the Future (Asterisk means newly added. The Creeping Terror is in parentheses because it was nominated and disqualified at the same time; see below.) --------------------------------------------------------------------- Deleted: Sheena - because Edward Pavelcheck thought he saw the technicians tossing stuffed flamingos into the cockpit in the flamingo scene. His comment: "It was a riot." I am taking this movie off the list for two reasons: (1) It was so bad in this scene it was funny, and therefore is disqualified for the same reason as "Plan 9"; (2) I'm trying desperately to shave down this list, so anything remotely doubtful or with the least bit of enjoyment in it is being disqualified. Candy - because Larry Johnson points out that although it is poor, it is not totally bad; it is "redeemable for historical reasons, that is, the complete screen career of blonde-Swedish-sex-goddess-star Ewa Aulin is contained within this film." Zelig - becasue of several aspects pointed out by various contributors. Dave Steiner liked the way they spliced Woody Allen into the old pictures - "very well done." David Fox liked the splicing as well as the music, such as "Do the Chameleon." Bruce Walker also mentions the splicing job as well done, and adds that much of the film was humorous, although not as much as he would have liked. Dana Richards comments that it would have made a perfect 30-minute film. The Return of Martin Guerre - again, because there was a controversy about whether it was even bad at all, much less totally bad. Different folks have different tastes (as the "per-verb" goes, one man's Mede is another man's Persian - sorry about that awful pun), and what may be bad to one may be good to another. A movie cannot be Totally Bad, however, unless it is universally agreed that there is nothing good to be said about it. David Fox found the movie "engrossing and hypnotizing." Dana Richards says that he usually uses this film as an example of a superb film at all levels, though, he quickly adds, he does not recommend it to those who have not been weaned from TV. Gordon Banks had the most vehement statement defending the movie: "What pin-head put Return of Martin Guerre on the list of bad movies? No way! So it doesn't move as fast as Raiders of the Lost Ark. It is an intellectual movie. The only part of the brain some people use is their limbic system. If there isn't any sex or violence, it exceeds their attention span." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes on additions: "...I have a nomination - "Fairy Tales". I can't say for sure that theres *nothing* good in it, since Jud and I turned it off after 15 or 20 minutes. But the only reason we even watched that much was because we couldn't believe anything could be that bad! It's about a "prince" who just turned 21 and has to prove he can get an heir before he can inherit his kingdom. His advisors end up recommending he go to fairy land to solve his problem. There he runs into Little Bo Peep and Jack and Jill and the old woman in the shoe (the shoe is a brothel, Jack is homosexual, and Bo Peep and Jill both try to "make it" with the prince). I'm sure it went down hill from there!" -Charli Phillips "The Creeping Terror" surely belongs on the list. This is the baby that was shot with silent film (another story is that the soundtrack was lost or destroyed by accident) and so 90% of the action is explained by the narrator, with occasional horrid actor voiceovers and inserted sound effects. The monster looks like a rug with a bunch of people under it, and has radiator hoses hanging from its head. One classic scene has our hero inside the alien ship (full of 1950's electronic gear) banging a piece of metal against an old voltmeter. The narrator explains: "... he tried to stop the transmitter, but the alien alloys in the ship weren't even dented by his efforts..." Oh yes, and the landing of the alien ship is an old Army rocket launch shown in reverse, followed by some out of focus car headlights. C'mon, some of you must have seen this beaut." - Lauren Weinstein "Yet another nomination for you!!! "The Creeping Terror" (also known as "The Crawling Monster"), made in 1964 around Lake Tahoe, CA. A killer shag rug rapes cars and overturns people. The soundtrack was lost after filming, so a narrator was dubbed over, with occasional pitiful attempts at sound effects. The cinematography of the B&W film is terrible (usually horribly overexposed). The monster moves at best 3 MPH, but has no trouble catching people who yell, "Don't eat me!" while working hard to fit into the monster's mouth. You may wish to disqualify this, because it is unintentionally a laugh riot. I never miss it when it's on the TV or in the theatre (it's been shown as part of a triple feature with "Plan 9" and some other horrible movie)." -David C. Tuttle [Since Mr. Tuttle describes it as a laugh riot, I reluctantly remove it from the list, for the same reasons I removed "Plan 9" and "Sheena". But I mentioned it in this posting because I feel it deserves recognition.] "...Another movie that was really bad was Megaforce, with Barry Bostwick. Bostwick posed for the whole movie, trying to say things that would make him famous as a cult hero again (shades of Rocky Horror). I watched this whole movie waiting for even 10 seconds of worth, and found none (a diehard to the end). In fact, I left the theater openmouthed in wonder that any movie could be THAT BAD." - Dave Fiedler "...I would like to nominate "Wholly Moses", into the category of "totally bad" films. I've never been a fan of Dudley Moore, except for "10", but he is easily at his worst. Richard Pryor, I imagine, would like to forget his role in this film. Laraine Newman, making her screen debut, was embarrasing in the role of Lot's wife. Her consolation is that she was able to exit the screenplay after the 1st third of the movie. In the remainder, her role was taken by a block of salt. In my opinion, the block of salt was the best character. Billed as a comedy, there were NO laughs. Just old, tired, stale jokes. This was a case where Hollywood took a cute movie premise (a 2nd baby boy set adrift in the Nile) and figured that the premise alone could carry the entire movie." - Larry Johnson "My vote would be for Fellini's 'Satyricon'. The movie is ugly, boring, and had no plot or purpose that I could discern. It has the distinction of being the first movie I walked out on halfway through even though I paid $4.00 to see it." -Walter Bright "I recall a very bad science fiction movie, on a par with Plan 9, but I'm not sure of the name. It might be "Space Monster". The alien is played by a man in a gorilla suit wearing a spherical helmet from an old-fashioned deap-sea diving suit. He keeps calling up his superiors on an old TV set. I think he harasses a family that is on an outing of some kind. There's lots of screaming and fainting women. This film is incredibly boring. The image of the alien is funny the first time you see it, but that doesn't really redeem it. We showed it a few years ago at the MIT LSC Science Fiction Marathon, and everyone hated it, as far as I know (we usually have one stinker at around 3am during the marathon). An honorable mention should go to another film that I have only seen during the Science Fiction Marathon, whose name also escapes me. It was a musical comedy based on the general "Sleeper"/"Things to Come"/etc theme of people who wake up in the future. While the music was not good (by the midpoint of the film, the audience would scream "Don't sing" as the music was building, and the projectionist even replaced the soundtrack with a rock tape during one of the songs!), it was at least an interesting idea, which is the one redeeming feature of the film. The film itself was pretty bad. The comedy was bad slapstick, there was a bad love story, and the science just turned into comedy." - Barry Margolin [Note: Can anyone supply the exact titles to the films mentioned above?] "...I would get conformation on these. The first is a very bad monster movie call "Q" which has been on cable a lot lately. The second is "Yor, the hunter from the future". The titles (and accompaning music) was so bad I turned it off." - Dave Steiner
pnp@ihnp1.UUCP (Peter Prokopowicz) (10/18/85)
I would like to know how many people suggested "Insignificance" for the totally bad list. Because of its disjointed structure, its leftist political undertones, and its wildly preposterous situations (Einstein throwing his life's work out the window for the 5th or 6th time, Marilyn Monroe explaining the theory of relativity, albeit incorrectly), I can see how it might not be everyone's cup of tea. However, the acting was as good as you will find anywhere. I can't find fault with any of the performances. On this basis alone it is a worthwile movie, certainly not totally bad.
leeper@mtgzz.UUCP (m.r.leeper) (10/20/85)
>"I recall a very bad science fiction movie, on a par with >Plan 9, but I'm not sure of the name. It might be "Space >Monster". The alien is played by a man in a gorilla suit >wearing a spherical helmet from an old-fashioned deap-sea >diving suit. He keeps calling up his superiors on an old TV >set. I think he harasses a family that is on an outing of >some kind. There's lots of screaming and fainting women. It is ROBOT MONSTER (1953) that has the gorilla in the deep-sea helmet. SPACE MONSTER (1965) is equally bad, but has been seen by far fewer people. It concerns an expedition to space. There are particularly bad scenes of the spaceship underwater being attacked by giant crabs. They shot it by putting a toy rocket and putting it in an aquarium with small crabs. Really bad. Mark Leeper ...ihnp4!mtgzz!leeper
wmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA (Will Martin ) (10/22/85)
In article <371@cylixd.UUCP> dave@cylixd.UUCP (Dave Kirby) writes: > >Candy - because Larry Johnson points out that although it is poor, >it is not totally bad; it is "redeemable for historical reasons, that >is, the complete screen career of blonde-Swedish-sex-goddess-star >Ewa Aulin is contained within this film." > A couple problems with this paragraph: first off, it was explicitly stated in the original nomination for "Candy", and also in a later follow-up on the subject, that the film "Candy" we are talking about here is NOT the one made from the Terry Southern novel and starring Ewa Aulin. It is an obscure European movie that unfortunately used that title also. Secondly, Ewa Aulin was in at least one other film: she plays the princess (who turns out to not be a princess) in the Gene Wilder / Donald Sutherland film START THE REVOLUTION WITHOUT ME. Will