corre@csd4.milw.wisc.edu (Alan D Corre) (02/17/88)
The Friends of Gerry
by Alan Corre
Gerry sat down at the counter of his favorite bar, and ordered a
double apple juice. The bartender handed him his drink, and he sat
contemplating it. Suddenly he noticed a beautiful girl sitting nearby.
She was perfect in every detail. He admired her blonde hair and hazel
eys. Her ample bosom gave promise of pneumatic bliss. Her slender legs
were draped around the bar stool naturally and expressively. Gerry
turned to her and said: "Would it be a thin to have a drink with me?"
(Gerry always lisped when he was nervous.) She agreed with a sweet
smile. Gerry put out his hand and touched her elbow lightly. She did
not flinch, but looked at him calmly and confidently. "I think we can
be friends," said Gerry. "So do I," replied the girl, and she
impulsively grasped his hand. Just as she did so, Gerry noticed
another girl who had come in. She resembled the first girl so closely
that Gerry could hardly believe it, but there was one
crucial difference -- she was headless. Gerry found
himself wondering why this inspired no dread in him,
and how she managed to smile at him when she had no
head. He found himself thinking of the Cheshire cat in
'Alice', who disappeared leaving only his smile behind.
"That was different," he concluded. "After all," the
Cheshire cat had a head to start with." He got up abrupt-
ly, leaving his beautiful companion with no sense of loss.
"Would it be a thin to have a drink..." he essayed. Like the
first girl, she agreed readily, and explained to him that she
had stopped in for some light refreshment because she had
unfortunately lost her car. Gerry expressed concern and re-
gret. "It's nothing," she replied in a tone of resignation.
"In an environment like this, what else can you expect?"
Gerry was puzzled by this comment, because he had had no
awareness of being in a bad neighborhood. On the contrary,
he had heard that it was full of intellectuals and pilots
without a flight plan. "What is happening to me?" thought
Gerry. "Why am I so attracted to a headless girl who has
lost her car?" He bent forward and touched her elbow. "I
think we can be.." he began, but as he finished the sentence,
he noticed another girl come in and sit down, and he hardly
heard the response to his remark. He got up and moved to-
wards the new patron, noticing as he did so
that she was merely a waist and a pair of
legs. Despite her deficiencies, she still,
to his surprise, seemed perfect in every
detail, just as attractive as her prede-
cessors. "Would it be a..." he began. Gerry
felt a little foolish. "Why don't I try a
new line?" he thought. "Those other girls
must be listening and thinking what a bore I
am." Yet somehow he realized that the line
was working, and it would be foolish to
change. Touching her elbow presented no
difficulty to Gerry, although he could not
understand why it did not, seeing that she
was, so to speak, only part of a girl. As
he moved his hand along her arm he was dis-
tracted by a new visitor.
This girl, perfect and
beautiful as the rest in-
spired in him a sense of
listlessness which he had not
felt before. "No hair, no
bosom, no legs," he said to
himself. "Why, she isn't
ANYTHING AT ALL!" Nonethe-
less, he could not resist
her fatal attraction.
Leaving abruptly the waist
and legs that had so en-
chanted him, he addressed
his newest love. "Would it.."
he began. But he got no
further. The smell of
apocalypse was in the air,
and his failing
consciouness dissolved
in a flash of blazing
l
i
g
h
t
.