roy@phri.UUCP (Roy Smith) (07/29/88)
[reprinted from the British bi-weekly nudist magazine "Natural"]
Two scientists at the prestegious Cavernous Laboratory, Drs. Litela
and Rosanadana, announced an amazing discovery relating to the famous (and
semi-mythical) Loch Ness Monster. According to researchers, Nessie doesn't
actually exist, but is simply the imprinted form of an extinct species of
aquatic mole on the water of Scottish lakes.
"You see", says Dr. Litella, "Eons ago, in the Cadburian period,
there existed a form of mole which had a natural craving for milk chocolate,
especially with fruit or nuts. After eating so much chocolate, the moles
started to grow in size, eventually reaching monsterous proportions. As the
Earth started to heat up, all the chocolate started to melt and the moles
migrated towards the cool waters of what is now northern Scotland.
Eventually, the moles learned to live in the water and became aquatic
beasts, much like what people believe the modern-day Nessie to be like. As
time passed, the population of moles remained constant but the amount of
water grew, diluting the concentration of animals. In scientific terms, the
water became less and less moler, until it reached $10 sup -35$ moler, where
no more moles actually exist".
Most scientists are in basic agreement with Dr. Litela's theory up
to this point, but Dr. Rosanadana has gone even further and postulated that
the water has actually remembered the form of the beings which used to
inhabit the lakes. Dr. Rosanadana explained, "Like my father always used to
tell me, if it's not one thing, it's another. If it's not real monsters,
it's imprinted water molecules. If it's not milk chocolate, it's
semi-sweet. If it's not The Proceeding of the National Acadamy of Sciences,
it's the National Enquirer. I ask you, what difference does it make? I
mean, really, what difference does it make?".
--
Roy Smith, System Administrator
Public Health Research Institute
{allegra,philabs,cmcl2,rutgers}!phri!roy -or- phri!roy@uunet.uu.net
"The connector is the network"