ahj@mtuxo.UUCP (a.johnson) (10/14/86)
> Our 1 year old is having some problems sleeping at night. It seems that > Matt will wake up on the average of twice a night. He will stand in his > crib and scream for attention. His cry is not really a cry but more of a > scream for us to come and get him. When my wife or I pick him up all is > well. This started about 4 months ago and we both assumed it was a phase. > Unfortunately it seems to be getting worse. We normally bring him into > our bed and my wife will nurse him until he falls back to sleep. We then > will put him back in his crib. > > Our pediatrician assures us that there is nothing unusual with this behaviour > but I tend to disagree. The doctor also wants my wife to continue nursing. > He insists that it is really the best way to go (He tells us he was nursed > until three years of age). Matt is eating table foods along with baby food. > The nursing is mostly for putting him to sleep. > > Since this is our first child and I've gotten some great responses from the > net in the past, I thought I would toss this one out for some experienced > advice. > > Thanks in Advance, > Andy Gezik *** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE *** I've read the responses about letting the babies cry and I'll admit that I've never been able to do it. When my 6 month old crys at night its because he's hungry and he gets a bottle of formulae with 2-3 tablespoons of cereal in it. He usually drinks about 6 ounces before falling back to sleep. If he wakes up again right after that feeding, then he gets a pacifier. I've read the books and heard what the doctors say, but they don't have to listen to the screaming. The rememdy is extremely old fashioned, but it works. When my 2-3/4 year old wakes up, he also usually wants something to eat, a cookie, a juice cup or whatever. So we get up and go to the kitchen. We may have a half a cup of yougert, or some raisins or a cup of warm milk and then its back to bed. Sometimes he wakes up and wants one of his cars -- we get it and then go back to bed. When he doesn't want to go to bed at night, I lay down with him -- and we get to spend some quiet time together, talking and playing with his cars. Many times I'll fall asleep with him and wind up at 11 o'clock washing up the dinner dishes. I guess that I'm saying is that I feel its more important for me to to be there when they need me. I go to work every day and they go to the babysitters and nursery school. You've got to do what you're comfortable with -- I'm not comfortable letting my kids cry for 30 minutes. I recently read somewhere that a child's scream is 10-15 decibles above what adults consider to be a comfortable noise range -- that's why its so nerve grating. Good Luck Aeyjay
cnrdean@topaz.berkeley.edu (10/15/86)
Haven't you noticed that your own sleeping habits can be changed by a few nights modification. If I wake up at 3:00 a.m. (on my own) and get out of bed a couple of times, suddenly it starts happening every night. The only way I can get out of this pattern is to force myself to not get up. It's tough the first couple of nights to break this habit. Same thing with the kids. They wake up at some hour, get some reinforcement (eg. food), and it gets to be a pattern. Also, very tough to break, especially for the parents. If the kids are old enough, sweat it out for a few nights. It'll pay off. It's tougher with the first kid, I know (two girls here). My advice to one-kidders (and other parents who raise their kids like they (the kids) were some project): 1) Close the door and turn the radio on. 2) Imagine you are the parents of six kids. Are you going to get up every time one of those kids starts screaming? (My observation while growing up was that kids from big families were MUCH more mellow than only kids. My observation now is that parents of multiple kids are more mellow. Parents of single kids are creeps, and I avoid them. They are always telling us about what it says in some book. These are the same people who got a dog to practice on before they had kids at age 39. And, the dog is usually some 12-inch dog, who they put on a leash once a day for "walkies". My dog Mojo ate those dogs for snacks.) 3) Have another kid. Screw your career. You know your family makes you feel more complete. Now, having said this, don't always follow this sage advice: One night, my younger girl started screaming, and we said, let her cry. Sure enough, she stopped after 30 minutes. We got up in the morning to find that she had fallen out of bed and cut her lip. Boy did I feel bad.
tif@lambda.UUCP (Barbara Charles) (10/16/86)
>The problem: You are lying in bed feeling safe and loved cuddling >against the warm body of your spouse while your small child, new to >this strange world, is waking up alone and scared and screaming for >someone to hold him. >The solution: Let the kid cry it out. He will soon learn that no amount >of crying will bring him the confort he so desperately needs and that >his parents, that seem so loving during the day, will desert him to suffer >through the long night alone. He will give up trying and his parents >can finally get an uninterrupted nights sleep secure in each others >arms. >Of course another solution, the one used by most people in this world, >is to take the baby to bed with you. The main objection I have seen to >this practice is that the child might see you having sex, but there are >a whole lot of other nice places in the house to make love. I agree with Jean. I have never let my kids cry it out and I have always been an advocate of the family bed. Even though we had 2 bedrooms, my dauther, who is now 6, slept with us until she was 3 years of age - my son was in a crib in our room. Since my son woke up constantly during the night to breastfeed, usually every 2 hours, I would nurse him and sometimes put him in the bed with all of us (if I didn't feel like getting up to put him back in his crib). We have a very big bed !!! We moved to a new apartment when my daughter was 4 and my son was 2 in which we which then moved them to their own room. I have never had a problem with them wanting to come back to bed with us unless they have a nightmare or are sick. My son (now 4) likes to sleep alone and does not sleep well unless he is in his own bed. I was always more concerned with their comfort and letting them know that I was there than getting more sleep (even though I was a working mom and needed every once). My son still wakes up at night and he always wants juice. I now put a thermos of juice in his room if he needs it and it is always empty in the morning. The important thing though is not that I am getting more sleep (I still feel tired in the morning!), but that both my children know I am there at anytime if they need me. My children do not cling to me - they are very independent, do great in school and day care and are very loving kids. I think it is worth it. Barbara
svb@teddy.UUCP (Stephen V. Boyle) (10/16/86)
In article <2132@mtuxo.UUCP> ahj@mtuxo.UUCP (a.johnson) writes: > Our 1 year old is having some problems sleeping at night. It seems that We currently have two girls, (three and five), and are awaiting the arrival of small person #3 in January. We decided long ago that we would not let the children cry themselves to sleep, neither when they were put to bed nor if they woke up at night. This is not to say that we did not try letting them settle down by themselves, because we did. However, we were not com- fortable with the method, and so we abandoned it. Pediatricians invariably tell you to let them cry a while (a while is defined as anything less than a half-hour). But, as has been pointed out before, the persons dispensing this advice aren't the ones listening to *your* baby cry. We feel (in our own amateur psycho-analytical way) that what is most impor- tant to us is that our children know that we will *always* respond to them if they call us. (This obviously begs the issue of 'what if you're not there'?). There are ways to mitigate the effects of this philosophy. When a child is put to bed, or if they wake up, it must be made clear that it is time for them to be sleeping. This means no 'rewards' for not sleeping, such as food, etc. (A sip of water can be nice on a hot or dry night.) Basically, we talk briefly and quietly about how it's time to sleep, and then are quiet. Being quiet yourself is a good way to make the point that it's time to sleep. In the case of nightmares, quiet, gentle reassurance, and rubbing their back or head usually helps everyone to get back to sleep quickly. Our children have both been non-sleepers. Some of our friends contend that this is because of the way we treat the issue, although we contend that we did the same things in the same way that they did in the child's early life. The whole issue of hwo to deal with this problem tends to inspire responses that are intensely personal, and sometimes very fervent. The fact that the children seem fine either way is probably more a measure of human beings' resiliency than it is a paen to the parents' wisdom. I do not mean to say that carrying out our philosophy is easy, because there have certainly been some very trying nights, but both of us have done things in our lives that were much harder, and those actions often had nothing to do with our children. I am not stating or implying that this is the absolute, only way to deal with this problem, but it's one that we feel very comfortable with, and derive some satisfaction from. (To paraphrase Dave Barry in 'Babies and Other Hazards of Sex', We feel satisfied because our children are ages 3 and 5, and neither one of them has become an axe-murderer yet.:=) The point of all this is that you have to do what you feel comfortable with, and if you're not comfortable with letting your child cry, then that just won't work for *you*, even though it works great for {a neighbor, your friend, a relative, someone else on USENET}. I feel like I haven't gone into a lot of detail, but this is getting long. Good luck, Steve Boyle {decvax,linus,wjh12,mit-eddie,cbosgd,masscomp}!genrad!panda!svb svb@suntan -- Steve Boyle {decvax,linus,wjh12,mit-eddie,cbosgd,masscomp}!genrad!panda!svb svb@suntan