jeannie@randvax.UUCP (Jean Thomas) (09/15/86)
In article <474@hjuxa.UUCP> akl@hjuxa.UUCP (A. K. Laux) writes: >In article <2110@mtgzz.UUCP>, eme@mtgzz.UUCP (e.m.eades) writes: >> Yes, I'm getting married next May. Whether I'm changing my name >> depends on which week you ask me.... > >Maybe it should go here (the idea of changing one's name when one gets >married) because it's always the woman who is EXPECTED to change her >name. I did for my first marriage, because I was still so conditioned >by my parents/peers. I didn't even give it a second thought. Now that >I will probably get married sometime in the near future, I've seriously >considered keeping my name as is. Only trouble is, I've kept Laux as >my last name. That's my ex's name. It was a lot more convenient for >me to retain it, credit cards/loans/etc. I don't have any sentimental >attachment to the name. But I don't think I should go BACK a step to >my maiden name again. I'd like to see some thoughts on this as well. > >The biggest trouble I have in accepting this name-change is that I'm >NOT a piece of property - there's no reason why I should have to be >"branded" with a name, signifying to whom I "belong." Some people >have done nice things like forming a new name out of the two names. >Works great for short, neat names. Same thing holds true for >hyphenation. I can't go either route, as my SO's last name is a >10-letter Yugoslavian tongue-twister. (Say THAT fast 3 times!!) Difficult choice. I'd like to suggest that whereas Laux may be your ex's name, it's how you have identified yourself for some time following the end of your relationship. This identification had nothing to do (I assume) with your ex, but with convenience and how *you* chose to identify *yourself*, exclusive of relationships with anyone else. If this was true, how has this changed? How does your SO feel about it? If it greatly bothers him, and therefore you, I believe you should seriously consider changing your name--but not necessarily to his. Your name is uniquely you, and it's yours 24 hours a day. I believe marriage is a major enough change for most that it would be unfortunate to burden one with ongoing resentment (however successfully "buried") about something as basic as your very own name. If for whatever reason taking his name means to you that you are "his," DON'T DO IT! You are yours. But joyous sharing of all else. -- * Choices, always choices *