rb@cci632.UUCP (Rex Ballard) (09/30/86)
In article <1078@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU> cheryl@batcomputer.UUCP (cheryl) writes: >In article <519@randvax.UUCP> jeannie@rand-unix.UUCP (Jean Thomas) writes: >>In article <14915@onfcanim.UUCP> dave@onfcanim.UUCP (Dave Martindale) writes: > >>>Well, it turns out that things aren't quite what the press reported. >>>What happened is this: The authors of the study found that, in a census >>>taken at some time in the past, over the population as a whole, there >>>was an average of a 3-year gap in age between husband and wife. >> >> The phenomenon even affects young women in colleges, she noted, where >> men of all ages compete for freshmen females. "When a woman gets to be a >> senior, her phone has just stopped ringing off the hook." > >When I was a sophomore, my boyfriend at the time was a senior. He >EXPECTED me to transfer to wherever HE got into grad school (NO SHIT!). >Needless to say, I gave him his walking papers. I wonder if the reason >for upper classmen preferring freshmen and sophomores is that they're >easier to dominate intellectually, easier to beat them down and make >them feel like they don't really belong in school,... It was interesting that until after college, older women were usually not interested in younger men. True, men are naturally less emotionally mature than women of the same age, but more than a few upperclasswomen found that with underclassmen, they were NOT expected to give up that education and training. In addition, after the initial clumsiness, the freshmen were often more considerate, and less selfish when in relationships with senior women. >An upperclasswoman who has either had no previous serious boyfriend, >or has dumped any previous boyfriend (and is therefore available) >has had either the good judgement to keep men at arms length, or the >good fortune to have them stay away on their own, giving them the >time and space to develop their own thing rather than being somebody >else's OTHER. THEY'RE GODDAMNED LUCKY THEIR PHONE ISN'T RINGING OFF THE >HOOK FOR SOMETHING AS VACUOUS AND STUPID AS THE COLLEGE DATING GAME. The upperclasswoman who has enjoyed a good sexual and social life with older men, and discovered the "obligations" involved, could find a very supportive fresman or sophomore who will be quite happy to see her stay in school (even for a master's degree). I knew a few who actually quit or transferred schools to stay with the person they loved. >> The escalating divorce rate exacerbates the problem, she said, because >> "men have an enormous range of women to choose from" and often remarry >> women decades younger. > >And who would WANT the kind of shithead who looks for someone he >can dominate and show off to his buddies, rather than his social >and intellectual equal? I think this is an ideal way to tell shit >from the shinola. Really!! Why shouldn't she aggressively seek someone she can dominate and show off to her buddies. Why should she settle for and equal when she can have a subordinate! >> And while personality traits like wisdom and sensitivity improve for >> both sexes with age, they are not as highly valued in women, she said. Hopefully this is beginning to change. >> Citing actress Sigourney Weaver's popularity as a strong, mature and >> attractive heroine in the movie "Aliens," Swidler said, "It may be that >> if these norms change over time, women's success may become part of >> their attractiveness." > >What GARBAGE!! This Swindler person presupposes that the primary function >of woman is to be attractive to a man, and that the only value her success >can have is that it may make her attractive to a man. Yeah! What GARBAGE!! Why shouln't the primary funtion of a man be to be attractive to a woman? Heck, with someone as assertive and aggressive as some of the "80's women", he aught to be able to attract someone with enough guts to take the initiative. More importantly, why shouldn't the woman be taking the initiative. Does it really make sense to look for a man who is (or is percieved to be) superior, older, wiser? Would you hire your own boss? Should you wait for a man who takes control of every situation (including your relationship), including asking for a date! Sure, it's unsettling to initiate contact and relationships. It's just as difficult for a man. Men who learn to overcome this are those who achieve, and dominate. Women who learn to overcome this are also those who achieve, and dominate, not only in the relationship, but in other facets of life as well. >Where oh where are your critical faculties, woman? >Cheryl Unfortunately, they are stuck in the same "mental bind" that says "men initiate, women attract". Clearly, this mindset belongs on the history shelf, right next to "good girls don't". It has only been recently that high school women have been willing to ask for a date. It has only been more recently that, when asked, the men would accept. Seriously, when I was in high school and college, I did date older women and considered it a priviledge. What I lacked in sophistication, I made up for in eagerness to please, willingness to learn, and recogition of my own shortcomings. They got a devoted admirer, I got experienced, sophisticated women, who knew how to please me, and how I could please them. Needless to say, most of them were feminists, but not "man-haters". Many of the older "single women" I know today are simply not interested in marriage. Many do indeed have "lovers" who are younger, by as much as 20 years. For several of these women, their "room-mates" are more like "house-boys" or handymen with whom they enjoy a rewarding relationship. For others, it is more of a "partnership" in which there is true equality. Even in the case of a few married couples, the primary "bread winner" is the wife, and the husband has a job involving lower skill and/or pay. Age, no matter how hard one tries to deny it, can often be a "trump card" when issues of power, experience, or wisdom arise in a relationship. It is a form of "rank", which may be seldom pulled, except during the critical issues where there might otherwise be equality. Cheryl brings up a good question. Why are women so inclined toward older, wealthier, more experienced men than themselves? Given any relationship between two people, one will be dominant, and one will be subordinate. If you really want a man to be dominant, fine. But if you really want to be the one in control, why play against a stacked deck? Rex At home, I'm the captain of my ship. My wife is just the Admiral.