his@faron.UUCP (Howard Irwin Solomon) (09/18/86)
> Thanks to Steve Dyer, I can solicit the help of the net > in reaching a decision about a troubling friendship. If > you post to soc.motss, I'll see your responses. The views > of gay, bisexual, and straight men and women are all most > welcome. > Dear Paul- It is hard to give advice to someone I don't know who is hurting, but as you have asked for some, so I will try. We all go through times where we (seem to) lose a friendship/ a loving relationship, or whatever. Deciding how much to pursue that situation is very difficult. I have often found in my own experience, that I have to decide for myself the value of any particular relationship. There are some people that tend to contact me, there are others that I contact. The best, of course, is a relationship in which both people want to contact the other and do so. That, however, is often not the case. It then becomes a matter of deciding how much you care for a given person. It seems to me that this person means a good deal to you, even after all the hurt. I find that, for me, that means a little extra effort is worthwhile. Yes, you have already made a good deal of effort, some of which has not been responded to. You have to decide your own personal thresholds. Does the potential good between you two outweigh the potential hurt if things continue to sour? Is this a person that you feel very attached to and care a good deal about? Would you be able to accept whatever situation you were given here, be it lovers, friends, acquaintances, etc.? Depending how you feel about these (and infinitely many other things), you have to decide how much effort to put forth now. I can only conjecture from your post that this person holds great importance in your eyes and seems to be worth the rocky road in pursuit of that rainbow. If the road gets too rough at some point, then you need to decide when to abandon ship. (Sorry, mixed metaphors. Ship should be in the water :-) It seems that you have already done a good deal of thinking about this person and your relationship. The thing to do now is decide where to go next. NOTE: PERSONAL OPINION FOLLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that with all the previous happiness and closeness there has been between you, it seems worth taking the chance and pursuing the friendship. The other person does seem to be somewhat responsive, although not consistently. I hope you can come to terms with this problem. I think you have already made the major steps in thinking the situation out and realizing that the next step you take is an important one. You seem to have a good head on you shoulders; you'll make the right decison, I trust. GOOD LUCK! BE HAPPY! I hope all goes well for you. Howard PS If you need someone to talk to drop me a line. I would be glad to listen. I think I am a pretty good listener.