rbraun@spdcc.com (Rich Braun) (12/24/89)
Today's Ann Landers column contains a piece which almost looks like it was written by an AIDS activist group. I thought it would be good to post it here for those of us who may yet learn one of our friends is HIV+: WHAT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY SICK "No guidelines for being a good friend can replace your own style," says former cancer patient Georgia Photopulos, "but if you'd like a few simple tips on how to talk to someone who is very sick, here they are." 1. Don't be afraid to ask me what I have, how I'm doing, or what my treatment will be. At worst, I'll say I don't want to discuss it. At best, I'll welcome the chance to talk about my problem. 2. You don't know what to say? What did we talk about before I became ill? Politics, art, religion, the PTA. I'm still interested. If you're a colleague, let's talk about work. I'd like to keep in touch. 3. Don't try to cheer me up by telling me things could be worse, or I'm lucky my husband or wife hasn't left me, or I could have been hit by a truck. It doesn't help. In fact, forget about cheering me up. What I need most is a compassionate listener with a good ear. 4. Don't assume that you know how I feel. If you really want to know, ask me and I'll tell you. 5. If I look terrible don't say, "You look great." Your lie will hang between us and make me suspicious of everything else you say. It isn't necessary to comment on my looks. 6. Remember, I chose my doctor, and unless I indicate otherwise I'm probably satisfied with him or her. Please don't bring me articles about other doctors, hospitals or methods of treatment unless I ask you to. 7. Do bring flowers, books, games -- whatever you think I might enjoy. Best of all, bring yourself. Illness changes so much. Please don't let it change our friendship.