moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime) (08/15/86)
[Written by the original Joy Boys, Dave Van Ess and Kurt Guntheroth]
[In the background: Softettes singing "soft head soft head....."]
Man (soon to be a softhead): "I never wanted to be a real estate agent. I
always wanted to be... A SOFTHEAD!!! [MUSIC
STARTS IN MARCH TIME] Yes, a softhead!! The
humm of the printers!! The plotters!! The
CRTs!!
[MAN TAKES OFF CURRENT OUTER CLOTHING TO REVEAL APPLE LISA TEE SHIRT
UNDERNEATH]
"With my best girl by my side, [ENTER
softettes] we'd sing. Sing. Sing."
Softhead:
Oh, I'm a softhead and I'm alright,
I sleep all day and I work all night.
CHORUS: (Sung by the Softettes)
He's a softhead and he's alright,
he sleeps all day and he works all night.
Softhead:
I write clean code, from top on down,
all editted in Electric C.
On Wednesdays I back up my disks,
and have buttered scones for tea.
Softettes:
He writes clean code, from top on down,
all editted in Electric C.
On Wednesdays he backs up his disks,
and has buttered scones for tea.
CHORUS
Softhead:
I write tight code, from bottom on up,
with my flowchart template of course.
[alternative: "in structured MACRO, of course."]
I patch the object with TECO,
then throw away the source.
Softettes:
He writes tight code, from bottom on up,
with his flowchart template of course.
He patches his code with TECO,
and throws away the source ( ?????? )
[Confused Softettes regroup quickly for CHORUS]
Softhead:
I write tight code, with never a comment,
all in assembly.
I wish I could be a FORTRAN hack,
just like my dear daddy.
Softettes:
He writes tight code, with never a comment
FORTRAN HACK!????? What kind of a...
(Softettes leave in disgust) . The softhead finishes with the last chourus.
The softettes come back and demand he return his Djikstra' fan club card.
Everyone leaves.
======================================================================
"Catharsis is something I associate with
pornography and crossword puzzles."
-- Howard Chaykin
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
UUCP: {uw-beaver, sun, allegra, sb6, lbl-csam}!fluke!moriarty
<*> DISCLAIMER: Do what you want with me, but leave my employers alone! <*>