madd@bucsb.bu.edu.UUCP (Jim Frost) (09/09/86)
** May you survive the mouse threat ** Mice. The scourge of history. You think mice aren't trained terrorists? Well, just review history. It's plain that mice had bacteriological weapons back when we were bear- baiting. Just remember that they spread the black plague. Sources close to the chief mouse (known, ironically, as Ronnie) say that better things are in store for us. We think that we are intelligent? We came up with awesome traps. Poison. Explosives. Mechanical doo- lollys (for those of you who are unfamiliar with the jargon, any mechanical device may be correctly described as a doo-lolly that plings the inghams, until such time as they define doo-lolly or pling or ingham). File cabinets. Feet. Thermonuclear devices. Efficient, we are. But nearly all of these have the drawback of damaging us as well as them. Look at the methods *they* use. Biological. Noise (scurry, scurry -- no sleep all night). Teeth. Swarms. None of which cause damage to themselves. And they're learning. They are becoming immune (probably through mass immunization) to poisons. They have taught their young to avoid explosives. They have taken courses on evasion of large objects. They stay away from Hiroshima and White Sands. What are we to do? We must fight back, of course! Hit them with the same tactics they are using on us. Tooth to tooth, eye to eye! I'm talking about hand-to-paw combat with these creatures. Make them fear you for what you are! And if that doesn't work, let's talk ingenuity. We need stuff (ooblick?) that will kill the buggers without harming us or our environment. I suggest we do as they did -- use biology to make a selective killer. Let's make a bacterial strain that seeks out the DNA chain of a mouse and locks on, then causes reproduction of anything and/or everything that will eventually build up and kill the mouse. Spread that around. Unless they take on mass-mutation they won't have a chance. The less selective we make the strain, the less likely they'll be able to mutate before they get zapped. Immunity is a joke -- they'd have to find a way to kill our organisms. Just make 'em strong and we've got no problems. But remember -- they've been at this longer than us. They have the advantages of greater numbers, better counterintelligence, and better technology (as evidenced by the efficiency of the black plague and other associated illnesses, up to and possibly including AIDS). We do have a chance! But we must start now. Conventional weapons obviously do not work. So let's go unconventional *NOW*! Madd(ly) hysterical... -- +--------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ ! Jim Frost ! "You just gotta smile through ! ! UUCP: ..!harvard!bu-cs!bucsb!madd ! it" -- John Reardon ! ! ARPANET: madd@bucsb.bu.edu ! ! ! CSNET: madd%bucsb@bu-cs ! mv flames /dev/null ! ! BITNET: cscc71c@bostonu ! ! +--------------------------------------+---------------------------------+