bill@uoregon.UUCP (Bill Nitzberg) (05/09/87)
I'm posting this for a friend here at the U. of Oregon. She
is working on a project and needs your help. Please respond by
E-mail, and I'll pass it on to her. If there is enough interest,
I'll sumarize to the net.
Bill Nitzberg UUCP: {tektronix,hp-pcd}!uoregon!bill
Systems Staff CSNET: bill@uoregon.csnet
University of Oregon Mail: Eugene OR 97403
--- Her message starts here ---
Help...
I'm trying to put together a collection of computer
jokes, stories, anectdotes, jargon, lingo, or anything similar
that relates to computers. I'm also interested in knowing
about names for computers or programs, how the names came
about, and what they mean.
Anything that you can contribute would be greatly appreciated.
Vicki Chirco
Not a Computer Science Student
University of Oregon
---
Please respond by email to: UUCP: {hp-pcd,tektronix}!uoregon!bill
or: CSNET: bill@uoregon.csnetmhobson@houligan.UUCP (Marshall Hobson) (05/11/87)
in article <1119@uoregon.UUCP>, bill@uoregon.UUCP says: > Xref: gould comp.misc:270 rec.humor.d:65 misc.wanted:398 talk.bizarre:932 > > I'm posting this for a friend here at the U. of Oregon. She > is working on a project and needs your help. Please respond by > E-mail, and I'll pass it on to her. If there is enough interest, > I'll sumarize to the net. > > Bill Nitzberg UUCP: {tektronix,hp-pcd}!uoregon!bill > Systems Staff CSNET: bill@uoregon.csnet > University of Oregon Mail: Eugene OR 97403 > > --- Her message starts here --- > > Help... > > I'm trying to put together a collection of computer > jokes, stories, anectdotes, jargon, lingo, or anything similar > that relates to computers. I'm also interested in knowing > about names for computers or programs, how the names came > about, and what they mean. > > Anything that you can contribute would be greatly appreciated. > > Vicki Chirco > Not a Computer Science Student > University of Oregon > > --- > Please respond by email to: UUCP: {hp-pcd,tektronix}!uoregon!bill > or: CSNET: bill@uoregon.csnet Well Vicki, I'm posting these to the 'NET' cause I seen them here in the first place and think it's time they're seen here again! Enjoy!! People who come into contact with the Unix system are often told, "If you have trouble, see so-and-so, he's a guru", or "Bob there is a real Unix hacker." What is a "Unix Wizard"? How does s/he differ from a "guru"? To explore these and other questions, here is a draft of the "Unix Hierarchy": NAME DESCRIPTION AND FEATURES beginner - insecure with the concept of a terminal - has yet to learn the basics of vi - has not figured out how to get a directory - still has trouble with typing <RETURN> after each line of input novice - knows that "ls" will produce a directory - uses the editor, but calls it "vye" - has heard of "C" but never used it - has had a bad experience with rm - is wondering how to read mail - is wondering why the person next door seems to like Unix so very much user - uses vi and nroff, but inexpertly - has heard of regular expressions but never seen one. - has figured out that '-' precedes options - has attempted to write a C program but decided to stick with Pascal - is wondering how to move a directory - thinks that dbx is a brand of stereo component - knows how to read mail and is wondering how to read the news knowledgeable - uses nroff with no trouble, and is beginning user to learn tbl and eqn - uses grep to search for fixed strings - has figured out that mv(1) will move directories - has learned that "learn" doesn't help - somebody has shown her how to write C programs - once used sed but checked the file afterward - watched somebody use dbx once - tried "make" but used spaces instead of tabs expert - uses sed when necessary - uses macros in vi, uses ex when necessary - posts news at every possible opportunity - is still wondering how to successfully reply to mail - writes csh scripts occasionally - writes C programs using vi and compiles with make - has figured out what && and || are for - uses fgrep because somebody said it was faster hacker - uses sed and awk with comfort - uses undocumented features of vi - writes C code with "cat >" and compiles with "!cc" - uses adb because she doesn't trust source debuggers - figured out how environment variables are propagated - writes her own nroff macros to supplement the standard ones - writes Bourne shell scripts - installs bug fixes from the net - uses egrep because she timed it guru - uses m4 and lex with comfort - writes assembler code with "cat >" - uses adb on the kernel while the system is loaded - customizes Unix utilities by patching the source - reads device driver source with breakfast - uses "ed" because "ex" is a Berkeleyism - can answer any unix question after a little thought - uses make for anything that requires two or more commands - has learned how to breach security but no longer needs to try - is putting James Woods/Henry Spencer egrep into her next Unix release wizard - writes device drivers with "cat >" - fixes bugs by patching the binaries - posts her changes to Unix utilities to the net -- and they work - can tell what question you are about to ask, and answer it - writes her own troff macro packages - is on a first-name basis with Dennis, Bill, and Ken **Here is the Man that gets the credit for this one!*** -- John Gilmore {sun,ptsfa,lll-crg,ihnp4}!hoptoad!gnu jgilmore@lll-crg.arpa May the Source be with you! -----------------------------Here's Another W/Smutt!-------------------------- As we discovered earlier, finding a suitable name for a system can be a trying experience. After trying the name "MYDICK", we experienced some difficulties with our name and dialing the wrong number. Senerio: Man calling field service, dials wrong number. ring......ring......ring..... (sexy female voice answers) "Hello?" "Hello, I'm calling to report that MYDICK is down." "Oh, really, and how may I help you?" "Well, I'm hoping that you can tell me how to get it up." "This sounds interesting. OK, I can try. Assuming it's not from over using it, do you know what caused it to go down?" "It got struck by lightening." "GOODNESS, thats awful!!!" "It's not too bad. It's getting old anyway. I usually only play games with it" "A lot of my co-workers use theirs for business. Maybe, someday." "I don't know about using it for business, but only for games is a little bit of a waste, too." "Well, since the lightening storm, it doesn't do me much good, anyway." "I must admit that you seem to be taking it rather well. My boyfriend would be devastated." "Oh, it's not such a big deal, it's just a small one. I wanted a larger one, but I couldn't swing it." "HUMPH, just how big is it?" "It only stands about 36 inches." "ONLY 36 INCHES???" "Yeah, I've seen some as big as 52 inches." (silence) "Hello?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I uh, you should be able to swing that!!!" "They're kinda hard to come by." "I can imagine. That's what I call hung!!!" "Yep, it's hung alright." "Have you tried doing anything with it?" "Yeah, I tried booting it and I kicked it twice, but it just won't respond." "Jeez, didn't that hurt?" "I hurt my foot when I kicked it the second time." "Damn, I'd think you might be a little more gentle with it. I think if you play with it, you can get it to work again." "Oh, I've played with it for alomost 2 hours now and it just won't come up. It seems like it's going to work OK, but then it gets hung in a loop." "My this sounds like a tough problem." "It's not an easy one. Could you come over and take a look at it?" "You bet!!! I'd love to see this."