Love-Hounds-request@EDDIE.MIT.EDU.UUCP (01/29/87)
Really-From: Vulture of Light <trainor@CS.UCLA.EDU>
What, no 976-KATE in your area?!?
(i) Select a ``976'' number.
(ii) Move your body towards a pay phone.
(iii) Insert 20 cents (or whatever).
(iv) Dial the 976-XYZP number.
(v) Listen and ye shall hear.
(vi) Leave the pay phone, knowing that you just
legally ripped-off 976-XYZP.
(vii) optionally, GOTO (i)
THE BULLET--END OF ALL PHILOSOPHIES+
(+ Lifted from CHAPTER 19, PATHS TO FRENZY, THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS)
1. DOKTORMUSIC is an interesting phenomenon. From one-man surgical
teams like Dr. Neuroburger to vast orchestral ensembles which evolve
spontaneously diring the Conventions, the ancient practice of reviving
music by sacrificing it is now represented by over 20 independent
groups of musical mercy-killers. While there are SubGenius-affiliated
performers who perform prewritten songs using normal (not to say,
"ass-kicking") musical instruments and traditions (rock-and-roll, for
instance), these are not doktorbands per se. (Such a true "band," using
Conspiracy-style funk-music tricks to impart a sanctified bulldada
message, is The Peoples' Temple, masterminded by Chicago's Pope
Flores.)
For a true doktorband to succeed, few if any of the members
should be adept with musical instruments they use in their trance
doktorsessions. One expert musician, on his chosen instrument, won't
hurt. More than that, however, and some of the musicians begin to make
the fatal mistake of trying.
A partial list of the major performing DOKTORBANDS (available
on SubGenius Records and Tapes):
DRS. FOR WOTAN, Dallas and St. Louis (Where Philo moved to found
2000 DOKTORS). The ORIGINAL Drs. for "Bob" rip-off band?
THE BAND THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME, Oakland-San Francisco.
Name actually changes from album to album.
DRS. FOR DINOSAURS, Dallas. A bulldada spin-off from BUCK NAKED
AND THE JAYBIRDS.
DRS. FOR EXTREME PREJUDICE, Bolivia, S.A. These are actual
mercenaries who play DYNAMITE "Wotan Tunes" between assignments.
GLASSMADNESS, Oakland, CA. Sometimes teams with PUZZLING
EVIDENCE. World's most prolific spew-source of Dobbsful Hymns.
BONE-SURGEONS FOR ANUBIS, Minneapolis. Short-lived; malpractice
suits brought a quick end to this bright, "Bob-"killing combo.
THE SHITTY BEATLES, THE BUTT PLUGS, THE GUN KLOWNS--all spin-offs
from Arkansas' original DRS. FOR "BOB".
Mention should also be made of THE DANCING CIGARETTES (Bloomington,
IND), D.K. JONES (NY), the often-defunct PINK BOYZ (Dallas), DRS.
FOR WHAT'S HIS NAME (anywhere). They all make noise that is more
musical than medical, but serve Dobbs despite that handicap.
Contact any of these fine organizations to play at your party by
writing THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION (Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214).
1. In some ways, The Hypercleats' first band (with Calvin Tucker),
Generation of Degenerates, was the direct ancestor of the Doktorbands.
This bold, hypersurrealist combo dealt with topics ranging from
Andy Griffith to The Red Skull but met with stiff opposition from
Little Rock's Oppressor-Normal population, and, revealingly, with
the local `punk' scene as well.
==================================================================
Now therefore be ye not mockers, lest your _bands_ be made strong.
-- (Isaiah 28:22)
To die, to be really dead...that must be glorious. There are far worse
things awaiting a _person_ than death.
-- Bela Lugosi in DRACULA (1933)