Love-Hounds-request@EDDIE.MIT.EDU.UUCP (01/27/87)
Really-From: Vulture of Light <trainor@CS.UCLA.EDU> It may be appropriate to review funeral etiquette just in case Kate Bush dies suddenly. If Kate dies at home, the funeral director should be notified immediately. He will advise the proper procedures to follow in having the body removed from the residence. Does anyone know what Kate Bush's favorite charity is? Memorial gifts are socially accepted. Appropriate cards may be obtained from your local funeral director. Sending a card of sympathy, even if you are only an acquaintance, is good practice. It means so much to the family members to know they are in your thoughts. The card should be in good taste and in keeping with your relationship to the family of the deceased. A telephone call may be appropriate. Speaking to a family member gives you an opportunity to offer your services and makes the family feel you really care. Don't hesitate to talk to the person about the deceased, if he wishes to discuss the recent loss. Please omit details. Just be a good listener and keep your conversation as brief as possible. It may be proper to make sympathy expressions at the time of the funeral service. If the family is present when a person calls at the funeral home, sympathy should be expressed by clasping of hands, an embrace, or a simple statement of condolence, such as: "My sympathy to you." "It was good to know Kate." "Kate was a fine person and a friend of mine. She will be missed." "My sympathy to your mother." The family members in return may say: "Thanks for comming." "Kate talked about you often." "I didn't realize so many people cared." "Come see me when you can." In paying respects it is customary to view the body and offer some words of encouragement. Inappropriate remarks include: "Kate looks so nice." "I didn't know she had lost so much weight." "I can't believe she is dead." "I know what you are going through." These statements tend to add further emotional stress to the family. Simply state something personal about the deceased or how he or she will be remembered from a previous experience: "I will remember our college days." "Kate enjoyed life." "She certainly had a lot of friends." "Kate always worried about everybody else's problems." "Kate was a credit to our company." Music at the service is important. Favorite selections of the deceased can offer comfort to the family. An organist or professionally recorded music is available for a funeral home service. Today it is socially acceptable to dress in basically styled clothes. Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate for relatives and friends. Hat and gloves are not out of place, but in many localities optional. Black or another conservative color of dress still shows good taste. In some fashionable circles, a black chiffon veil is also worn. Persons attending the funeral should be appropriately dressed, so as to show dignity and respect to the family and the mourners. Often children are ignored or shielded from the knowledge of a recent death. Psychological studies have shown that children should be given full opportunity to express their grief. Kate may be a person that prefers cremation over the earth burial. This is a matter of personal choice. Sometimes the family will accompany the deceased to the crematorium, but more often the funeral directory is requested to remove the body to the crematory without the family present. An urn can be purchased as a receptacle for Kate's ashes and may be inurned in a columbarium, niche, interred in the family plot or otherwise disposed of at the family's discretion. Kate may wish to be under perpetual care. The law requires that all cemeteries establish perpetual care funds to provide working capital for maintaining and beautifying cemetery grounds. At lease ten percent of the gross sales of a grave space or grave lot is set aside for this purpose. This excludes township, county, or municipal cemeteries, whose maintenance is from the general tax revenue. If Kate's family finds her cemetery space is not being properly maintained, they should issue a complaint to the authorities. Death is becoming a proper topic for discussion. It is mentally healthy to recognize death and discuss it realistically with friends and relatives. When a person dies, such as Kate, there is grief that needs to be shared. Expressions of sympathy and offering your services to help others at a time of death is good etiquette. Even more important than good etiquette is the need in today's society to share our grief one with another. The purpose of this brief review of funeral etiquette has been to describe accepted ways in responding to Kate's possible untimely death. Douglas
Love-Hounds-request@EDDIE.MIT.EDU.UUCP (01/29/87)
Really-From: nessus (Doug Alan)
I'd like to thank Mr. Trainor for his wonderful lesson on the proper
etiquette should Kate Bush tragically and unexpectedly die. I know
that in the recent past, I have been having trouble coping with life
-- I have been filled with doubt on what my correct behavior should be
in such a situation as Kate Bush's death. But now, I feel that I am
ready to deal with any possible eventuality, without making an
embarassing social fuax pas. A great burden on my shoulders has been
lifted.
|>ougLove-Hounds-request@EDDIE.MIT.EDU.UUCP (01/31/87)
Really-From: hogge@p.cs.uiuc.edu (John Hogge) >/* ---------- "Re: Kate Bush & Funeral Etiquette" ---------- */ >Really-From: nessus (Doug Alan) >I'd like to thank Mr. Trainor for his wonderful lesson on the proper >etiquette should Kate Bush tragically and unexpectedly die.... Hey, is someone planning something? Sounds like fun! --John