colonel@gloria.UUCP (Col. G. L. Sicherman) (06/08/85)
> Most of my friends in the U.S. (the married ones, that is) did not have > "arranged" marriages. That makes me feel good; I know I have friends who are > truly educated. And you can bet your diamond wedding ring that when I marry, > it won't be an "arranged" marriage. > --- Debashish Niyogi Unless it's your bride who arranges it :-) -- Col. G. L. Sicherman ...{rocksvax|decvax}!sunybcs!colonel
sunil@ut-ngp.UUCP (Sunil Trivedi) (06/08/85)
> > From: suchi@utastro.UUCP (Suchitra Balachandran) Fri Jun 7 11:59:47 1985 > To: sunil@ut-ngp.ARPA {...!ut-sally!ut-ngp!sunil} > > About your arranged marriage question: > > I agree with the one reply I saw posted on the net. It really is a question > of your cultural upbringing. The norm in India is an arranged marriage and > that is what one does when one thinks of getting married. The basic problem > even if you want to do otherwise is the inability of meeting a sufficient > number of people to choose a partner. The pattern is changing though slowly. > I am not surprised that Indian guys here are returning home to find wives. > How many single Indian girls do you know in the US? If it does, 'unarranged' > marriages are more likely to catch on in India and among single Indian girls > here. > > Suchitra > This mail to me was posted as it seemed appropriate to the current topic. Replies to the above message can be sent to: suchi@utastro.ARPA {...!ut-sally!utastro!suchi} Sunil Trivedi
sunil@ut-ngp.UUCP (Sunil Trivedi) (06/08/85)
> > From: S.Ganapathy <ganpaty> Sat Jun 8 00:34:29 1985 > To: sunil@ut-ngp.ARPA {...!ut-sally!ut-ngp!sunil} > Subject: your letter to net.nlang.india & net.women about getting a wife. > Status: R > > Dear Sunil, > This is my response to your letter regarding getting a wife. To me the > the wording does not sound good. Looks like one is shopping around for a com- > modity such as a car or any other thing you can think of. The reason why ar- > ranged marriages are still in vogue is that the chances of their working or not > is the same as that of love marriages.Remember just by being in love may be > a necessary but may not be a sufficient condition for the man and woman to > know each other fully well. Do not forget that the arranged marriages are not > forced upon the man or woman by their families as one might incline to think. > I agree that in arranged marriages there is insufficient opportunity for the > man and woman to know and objectively assess each others compatability or > otherwise. May be in a love marriage such oppurtunities abound but once again > that does not guarantee the success of love marriages too. > Have you heard the saying that love is blind/blinding ? I am not trying to > defend arranged marriages. The most important thing that makes a marriage is > the attitude of the couple. Arguements such as: Oh! Have I made a mistake?, > I deserve better than this, may be I can give it another try? There definite- > ly must be a better match and so on and so forth are guarantees to dig the > grave of matrimony. Well Sunil these are some thoughts that your letter > provoked in me. If you want you are free to put them on net. > Well I don't intend to bore you any more. Would be interested in your response > to my thinking. > Take care. > Gany. > This mail was posted as it also discusses the current topic. Any replies to this article should be sent to: ganpaty@ut-ngp.ARPA {...!ut-sally!ut-ngp!ganpaty} Sunil Trivedi
mlk@tellab3.UUCP (Mahesh Khatri) (06/10/85)
>Finally, the traditional and cultural aspect of the whole thing. This >thing has been going on for (I presume) thousands of years and it's >probably built into many people's psyche. If one is brought up in an >environment where that is the norm, one isn't going to change his point >of view just because he is `educated'. Anyway, I don't think that >education and arranged marriages are mutually exclusive. I wholly agree with Pravin here. In India, in most Hindu families, the 'love' marriages are looked down upon, most of the people there have spent a good 20 or so years in an environment where they have seen there brothers/sisters, friends and relatives go through arranged marriages and this environment has trained their thought process to a point where they beleive that arranged marriage is the only way to go; A few years of education is certainly not enough to change those views towards arranged marriages which have been ingrained in them all the way through childhood. Another point is that the alternative to an arranged marriage is to find one's own mate via processes as dating and dating is frowned upon and shunned in most Hindu families. Most of these people having never dated as teenagers in India would find it extremely difficult to ask a man/woman out for a date. The situation is quite different in this country where kids start dating during their teenage years and it is not difficult for them to ask a man/woman out for a date then at any later time. Also kids are encouraged to find dates here; totally different from India. Certainly then this attitude towards arranged marriages cannot be blamed upon 'education' or lack thereof. Also whether these 'love' marriages are better than arranged marriages or not is another debatable subject; there are pros and cons to both sides; just look at the divorce rate in this country and think why it is so?
muppala@sunybcs.UUCP (Shankar Muppala) (06/11/85)
> > > > From: S.Ganapathy <ganpaty> Sat Jun 8 00:34:29 1985 > > To: sunil@ut-ngp.ARPA {...!ut-sally!ut-ngp!sunil} > > Subject: your letter to net.nlang.india & net.women about getting a wife. > > Status: R > > > > Dear Sunil, > > This is my response to your letter regarding getting a wife. To me the > > the wording does not sound good. Looks like one is shopping around for a com- > > modity such as a car or any other thing you can think of. The reason why ar- > > ranged marriages are still in vogue is that the chances of their working or not > > is the same as that of love marriages.Remember just by being in love may be > > a necessary but may not be a sufficient condition for the man and woman to > > know each other fully well. Do not forget that the arranged marriages are not > > forced upon the man or woman by their families as one might incline to think. > > I agree that in arranged marriages there is insufficient opportunity for the > > man and woman to know and objectively assess each others compatability or > > otherwise. May be in a love marriage such oppurtunities abound but once again > > that does not guarantee the success of love marriages too. > > Have you heard the saying that love is blind/blinding ? I am not trying to > > defend arranged marriages. The most important thing that makes a marriage is > > the attitude of the couple. Arguements such as: Oh! Have I made a mistake?, > > I deserve better than this, may be I can give it another try? There definite- > > ly must be a better match and so on and so forth are guarantees to dig the > > grave of matrimony. Well Sunil these are some thoughts that your letter > > provoked in me. If you want you are free to put them on net. > > Well I don't intend to bore you any more. Would be interested in your response > > to my thinking. > > Take care. > > Gany. > > > > This mail was posted as it also discusses the current topic. Any > replies to this article should be sent to: > ganpaty@ut-ngp.ARPA {...!ut-sally!ut-ngp!ganpaty} > > > Sunil Trivedi *Iagree with this letter and also the other letters in reply to arranged marriages. I feel that the original letter was posted in the most irresponsible manner as could be done. Mr. 'original' did not think of a lot of problems before posting that letter. One of the biggest problems is getting your sisters married in a closed Knit co- mmunity like India. You got to think about that also. Thanks Shankar ** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***
sridhar@tekig5.UUCP (S. Sridhar) (06/17/85)
I think part of the reason why some people don't go in for love
marriages is :
1) the fear of causing social upheavals in the family.
2) the fear of facing extreme ostracism from family members
and relatives.
3) the fear that it may be a source of 'embarrasment' for the
parents et. al.
4) the fear of being disowned.
5) reluctance to face the aftermath which may reach cataclysmic
proportions. This is especially true in orthodox, religous and
extremely conservative families.
Sohail Hussain's point that it takes a finite time to fall in love etc.
is well taken, but I fear that it is parenthetical to the issue. I can
cite any number of instances where love and affection between two
potential spouses has succumbed to filial pressure.
Sridhar
Portland, Ore.