kpm@homxb.UUCP (P.MEHTA) (07/03/85)
I do not agree with Mr. Loftus that Indian parents are creating dependence in their children by supporting them as long as they can. Arranged marriages are based on the criteria of jointly selecting a mate after the family memebers critically investigate into the matching characteristics of both mates and their family trees. What I am suggesting here is that a decision is arrived at by comparing the upbringing of the mate with the upbringing of the family and comparing the similarities like food preferences, religious preferences, companies they hang out with, etc. Elders with their experiences direct individuals in the proper direction and indicate why their preferences are one way or other. At an young age a person cannot be expected to make rational decisions, particularly when the person is in a lust. In Indian families, decisions are made jointly as a family, just like any corporation does in U.S.A. All pros and cons are evaluated before the decesion is made. Children are taught to respect their elders and to take advantage of their knowledge. This is how they are trained to face difficult times in life. It is due to this training that they survive their marital problems which are bound to happen in every one's life. Dependence on experience of this kind is far better than independence of inexperience that my experienced collegue is preaching for. Is this independence the reason why divorce rate is high in U.S. and is it the dependence that is keeping people married for their life? I would prefer the dependence if that helps me keep my sanity.......
jha@uiucdcs.Uiuc.ARPA (07/05/85)
> >At an young >age a person cannot be expected to make rational decisions, particularly >when the person is in a lust. So who can make rational decisions, senile grandparents? When a young person makes a decision, s/he accepts the risks and pays for wrong decisions. When old people make the decision, they don't even live long enough to see how it turned out. The young person has to pay for their mistakes. > >In Indian families, decisions are made jointly as a family >Children are taught to respect their elders >and to take advantage of their knowledge. This is how they are trained >to face difficult times in life. It is due to this training that they >survive their marital problems which are bound to happen in every one's >life. >Dependence on experience of this kind is far better than independence >of inexperience that my experienced collegue is preaching for. You just proved the point that Indian parents raise their children to be dependent. > >Is this independence the reason why divorce rate is high in U.S. and >is it the dependence that is keeping people married for their life? You bet. It is the dependence that is keeping unhappily married people from standing up and saying, "I want a divorce". They are incapable of making a decision individually, and an old-fashioned family would never approve of a divorce. So they are stuck, kidding themselves with the idea that marriages are made in heaven. >I would prefer the dependence if that helps me keep my sanity....... Be my guest, as long as you don't try to take my independence away to help me keep my sanity. Manoj K. Jha University of Illinois
debray@sbcs.UUCP (Saumya Debray) (07/08/85)
> >In Indian families, decisions are made jointly as a family ... > >Children are taught to respect their elders ... > >Dependence on experience of this kind is far better than ... > > You just proved the point that Indian parents raise their > children to be dependent. > > >Is this independence the reason why divorce rate is high in U.S. and > >is it the dependence that is keeping people married for their life? > > You bet. It is the dependence that is keeping unhappily married > people from standing up and saying, "I want a divorce". They are > incapable of making a decision individually ... I'm not sure how meaningful - or constructive - it is to talk about "dependence" or "independence" in isolation from any larger context of the Indian way of life. Ultimately, all that matters is whether people are happy (which need not necessarily be related to material comfort): but if it's not clear that the Indian family is demonstrably more/less happy than their American counterpart, does arguing about it serve any purpose at all? -- Saumya Debray SUNY at Stony Brook uucp: {allegra, hocsd, philabs, ogcvax} !sbcs!debray arpa: debray%suny-sb.csnet@csnet-relay.arpa CSNet: debray@sbcs.csnet