sankar@Shasta.ARPA (10/04/85)
1) Indian men living in the US collecting dowry: None of the people I know have been for not receiving dowry. But usually the persons making the decision are the parents, and many do not care to listen to their sons. Some sons are more revolutionary and refuse to marry with dowry, but not everybody feels like defying their parents. So even though people might see some Indians living in the US marrying and receiving dowry, that is not the real thing to look for. Find out how many parents who live in the US/have lived in the US who collect dowry. 2) Dowry being the most important factor in match-making: This maybe true in poorer families where they see a possible source of income. This is also true in SOME other more well to do families also. However, amongst most of the friends I know(from the middle class) this is NOT true. One of the previous message made it seem that this was the case in ALL arranged marriages. There are many friends of mine whose parents are match-making, both men and women. The primary factor I have seen in their decision making is "compatibility". Compatibility based on tradition is an important factor for example matching horoscopes. Can that person who claims that dowry is the most important factor show me one case(at least in South India which I am more familiar with) where a marriage took place between persons whose horoscopes did not match just because more dowry was paid? Also an important factor in compatibility is actual compatibility between the bride and the groom. For example, I am sure that all you Indians reading this have certain requirements(if you are going in for an arranged marriage) like language age difference, education, looks, etc. etc. which your parents will consider far more important than the amount of dowry they receive. They may still collect dowry, but this is NOT the most important factort. 3) Conclusions: I am sure many non-Indians are reading messages in this news group. Many of the previous messages have been highly misleading. Dowry is something that may never leave our society, especially since for many people this is an easy source of income. But slowly, arranged marriages are going, and more and more match-making is done by the boys and girls themselves(a slow process though, but I think will eventually take over). ie. love marriages. Dowry is received still in many Indian marriages but that is in most cases NOT the most important factor. Sometime back, 60 minutes brought out something on bride burning. They came out with certain facts and figures and basically all Americans who saw the show had all the wierdest misconceptions. Don't know what other misconceptions they have! Some asked me "Do you plan to burn your wife if you do not receive enough dowry?" Another said "USA is better than India since Indian law encourages dowry". These are all wrong misconceptions, and similarily, non-Indians reading this should realise that we are not trying to educate you, but arguing amongst and educating ourselves. Please do not get any misconceptions by reading the preceding spate of messages. Sriram. Stanford University SANKAR@SCORE.ARPA If you reply to sankar@shasta(shasta!sankar) I probably will not read your reply.