linda@amdcad.UUCP (Linda Seltzer) (10/19/85)
Dowry and any other oppressive attitudes towards women in marriage will continue as long as women let them continue. In the U.S. I had two boyfriends during my late teens, and both of them wanted to marry me. I refused each of them because they believed that their wife should stay home, be a housewife, and not have a career. Of course my insistence on equality in the relationship meant sacrifice of the possibility of marriage to either of these men, who were very nice otherwise. Many of my female friends have either turned down marriage proposals or have gotten divorced rather than live in a situation which was oppressive. As long as women feel that it is necessary to get married, then dowry will continue. Among women who feel that it is socially necessary to get married, the practice of a dowry still exists in subtle forms even in the U.S. among people of European descent. It is quite clear that in many marriages the woman's parents pay for the down payment on the house, and often, if the woman's parents have a family business, the groom can enter into the business. One of my girlfriends' parents told her to tell her boyfriend that she would be getting a substantial inheritance, and that this was one factor which might convince him to marry her. She never did this (by the way, he never married her). What will cause women not to feel desperate about marriage? - equality in the workplace and the opportunity to have a career and to earn a comfortable salary on her own. The best way that a person can work to eliminate dowry is to work for equality of opportunity for women in grad school admissions, fellowships, jobs, promotions, salaries, and honorary awards. Then the women can feel secure personally and can say yes or no to a marriage proposal from a position of strength.