sriram@cive.ri.cmu.edu (Duvvuru Sriram) (10/22/85)
GENERAL: It has been a practice for several decades, in the region that I come from, for the sons to inherit money from the parents. Hence, the parents of the girl give her share of the inheritance during the wedding. Sometimes this comes in the form of a dowry to the son-in-law. However, most often they give it to the girl in the form of some kind of a present. This will also provide income for the girl, if she is unemployed. That way she does not need to depend on her husband for her financial needs. There are problems in this system too. Some boys may marry because they think that they are going to get a substanial amount. Abolition of the dowry system in India will take time. We are a country of different cultures, backgrounds, and languages. Both the parties (the bride's and the bridegroom's) should be willing to do away with the dowry system. MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: Although I disagree with the concept of arranged marriages, I married according to my parents wishes. My parents did not mention anything about the dowry, neither did they see whether the girl had any money. They also refused high offers (in my caste the dowry/presents may run up to $400,000). In fact my dad was at the other extreme. He wanted a register marriage, but the girl's parents did not agree to this. QUESTION: What is your opinion on going round and looking at various girls, before making a choice? Do you think that this is an acceptable practice? This seem to happen in every country in some form or other (in US, although the concept of arranged marriages does not exist, a number of girls are dated (and vice versa) before marriage).
jha@uiucdcsp.CS.UIUC.EDU (11/07/85)
* * * * * HAPPY DIWALI * * * * * >in my caste the dowry/presents may run up to >$400,000 Did you mean $ or Rs. ? 400 K$ == 5 MRs. If you are right, the problem is a lot more serious than I thought. >What is your opinion on going round and looking at various girls, >before making a choice? Do you think that this is an acceptable practice? I think this is the only rational practice. Manoj Jha ARPA: jha@a.CS.UIUC.EDU CSNET: jha@uiuc USENET: uiucdcs!jha
swami@uiucdcsb.CS.UIUC.EDU (11/08/85)
I think you should make an effort to get as much info as you can before looking at a girl. It is reasonably easy to get info on height etc., family background, photograph, academic background, and even, to some extent, personal habits and interests, through common friends. After all, that's usually how the first contact is made - through friends / brokers. Even if you advertise in newspapers, most people do give a fair amount of info, at least after a couple of letters. I think seeing a girl and then rejecting her is bad, because it seems to imply that there is something wrong with her appearance/manner, and that is hurtful. (PLEASE, no flames on the word 'reject' - i couldn't think of another) It is slightly different if you decide against marriage after several conversa- tions with her, because that indicates incompatibility. But few of us are lucky enough to be able to do that, given indian views, plus the fact that we go home only for short durations. I also think it is a good idea for family/friends to see her first - there is a psychological difference to the girl if the family rejects her instead, and anybody who knows you well can analyse most of the same aspects that you would on first sight. But ultimately, you can't help a certain amount of seeing and rejecting; you can only avoid making it seem like a marketplace kind of decision. swami@a.cs.uiuc.edu uiucdcs!swami "i am so full of good intentions, i MUST be on the road to hell"
dss00@amdahl.UUCP (dss00) (11/11/85)
> > > >in my caste the dowry/presents may run up to > >$400,000 Who says we come from a poor (aka third world) country? -- Deepak S. Sabnis ...!{ihnp4,hplabs,amd,nsc}!amdahl!dss00 (408) 746-6058 (Usual Disclaimer Here)