G:inp (07/21/82)
The Case of the Missing Joules
Inspector Sherlock Ohms, of the Standard International Yard, was
driving across the Wheatstone bridge in his '09 Maxwell on one of his
periodic law enforcement inspections. He was trying to remember Ava
Gadro's number so he could call and data for the policeman's ball, when
suddenly he blew a tire. "OH-, Nernst!" said Sherlock, "I don't have a
tire ion with me, but luckily ammonia short distance from the Ideal Gas
Station." This business was run by Saul Vent annd his cousin Saul Ute,
who, at the moment were freon bail. They had gone fission, however, and
their girl assistant Ruth Erford, waited on Sherlock.
Just as the inspector emerged from the station, a rubber policeman
whizzed by on his '60 cycle. Ohms knew he was deuteride by, but he
wondered Watt made him rush so. He shouted atom, but the policeman was
gone. Ohms' reaction was instantaneous. By radio activity the inspector
learned that Micro Farad, Recipro City's top-ranking rookie was chasing
a joule theif. Ohms threw his car into inverse, spun a gyro, and took
off down Elect Rode, around the Elastic Modulus, back over the Salt
Bridge, and up into Ferren Heights. He went past the Mono Clinic, the
Palladium, and all the way to the liquid junction at the endo Thermic
Street. He was almost to the city limits when his car hit a slip stick
and crashed into a Van der Waal. The impact splintered the Plancs, and
punched a big hole in the car's hydrolysis system. This upset Ohms'
equilibrium and for a moment he was just plane polarized, but he
recovered quickly. "I node that was bound to happen," said Sherlock,
"but I'd beta catch up with Micro." Quickly he volted out of his rect
ilinear and took up the chase on a bicyclic which he borrowed from a
small boy nearby.
He soon came across Micro standing in a magnetic field of alpha
alpha. The policeman had his electron gun on Ray Dium and Ann Hydrate.
"Watts the meaning of this?" asked the inspector, and the copper was
quick to explain. "Well, Sir, awhile ago I stopped in at the Iso Bar,
a local dyne and dance spot, out on the Mobius Strip, and had a couple
of quartz of Lambert Beer when I noticed Ann Hydrate sitting alone at a
two-place log table. I knew some joule thieves had made a radon Ethyl
Benzene's country estate, and I spotted one of the Benzene rings on
Ann, along with a para Ethyl's ear-rings. Anode an explanation of this
but before I could torque to her, she ran out of the bar. Being true
to the Kopp's rule, I was quick to follow, but when she got into her
Monochromatic-8, I knew I was infra tough chase. I Pasteur once, but
she ran a stop sine and escaped by turning down a side road. Fortunately
her engine started Fehling just beyond the city limits and I caught her.
She led me to the missing joules and to her accomplice Ray Dium, who
was about to barium in a hollow common log, which lay under the square
roots of a tree in this deserted magnetic field. I was about to cesium,
but then their partners Cal Orie and Quanta Lopez tried to run me down
with their Mercury. Did that make my blood Boyle! I dodged and hit
them with a bag of Boltz--man, did that change their molar concentration!
But really inspector, I didn't mean to Bragg or sound like a Bohr,
because there wasn't any trig in catching these joule thieves. I just
Van 't Hoff on a 0.5 Normal lead. Don't you zinc that explains it?"
Inspector Ohms beamed, "Son, you'll go on nights for this."
In effect this was a promotion, for in Recipro City, nitrates are
much Mohr that those Faraday man.
This story is recounted as I found it while studying Physics at Reed
College in 1966. Hope you enjoyed it! Bob Tidd ucbvax!g:inp