ptl@fluke.UUCP (Mike Andrews) (11/27/85)
Hi Again,
Last weekend I learned something about myself that might help you.
It has to do with self worth. I see my worth tied into how well I do.
It hit me that the reason I get so uptight when someone disagrees with
me is because that is where my worth is. I compare, judge, myself
to be respected by how well others agree with me, how they respond to my
needs, how they treat me. So my self respect, self worth, depends on
others. This leads me to worry about what others think of me, since they
give me my worth, or take it away. This thinking even carries into
how situations effect me. If things go the way `I know they should,'
then I feel in control - no one can make fun of me. This is one reason
changes can scare me so much: I might not stay in control, might mess up,
then see others put me down, think less of me. It also makes it easy to judge
others: "Look at so and so - he/she is so messed up, weird, whatever,
but they should do such and such." The thing really behind all the judging
was "Look how good I am. I'm better than that." Pride. Pride substituted
for self worth.
Remember the verse saying "where your treasure is, you'll find your heart."
My treasure, my worth, was in being right, at any cost. It seems that was
where my heart was also - my direction, goal, inner desire to be right.
Has nothing to do with worth, but I made it seem that way. Now I see
that being right doesn't give me any worth.
Maybe 'dieing to self', for me personally, is nothing more than giving up
my right to be right. My need for control so I'll feel right. My need to
see others wrong so I'll look 'right.' Maybe this applies to you, too?
So I wondered where do I get my worth? It boiled down to - as a Christian
I get it simply from being God's child. Nothing else.
I've got a GREAT Teacher.
God Bless,
Mike Andrews
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God says He is always with us, and will not leave us.
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ARPA : fluke!ptl@uw-beaver.ARPA
UUCP : {uw-beaver, sun, allegra, sb6, lbl-csam}!fluke!ptl