simard@loral.UUCP (Ray Simard) (08/15/84)
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Since I posted a recent response to an earlier article, I've
received mail taking me to task for "laying the blame on the
woman" in cases of unwanted pregancy. Rather than respond to
everyone individually, I'll post a general response here.
Nothing in my posting is meant to imply that a woman is uniquely
culpable in cases of unwanted pregnancy. A man who fathers a
child and then runs from the responsibility is being irresponsible
and supremely selfish.
I did not use the words "blame" or "fault" in my posting, intentionally.
Those are words judgmental words, implying "wrongness" or "evil".
In fact, I use the word "responsibility", implying facing the fact
of the pregnancy in a mature and appropriate way, regardless of
circumstances. The pregnancy is real, and if I assume (as I do) that
nobody is bad or evil because of it, I can then focus on the issue of
what to do about it without suggesting personal attack.
Most of the argument supporting abortion focuses on the hardship and
trauma experienced by the pregnant woman. I, and most others,
certainly recognize that. Let me illustrate, in contrast, another
hypothetical situation:
A certain person (let's assume a man, could be a woman; adjust the
story accordingly) has in time risen to a high level of career
success. He treats his co-workers, employees and associates fairly
and with compassion; he is an exemplary husband and father. His
life includes sincere and significant contribution to worthy causes,
in short, this guy is Mr. All-around good fellow.
Sometime in his past, something indiscreet occurred. Nothing horrible,
but it looks bad. A nefarious evil type got hold of unmistakable
evidence of this indiscretion, evidence that makes it look not just
as bad, but much worse, than it actually was.
Our good friend is subsequently blackmailed. We'll suppose that
release of all this would result in the breakup of his family, the
virtual end of his career and any hopes of staying in his field
of expertise. Let's further assume that this man is prominent nationally,
and his ruin would be news in every corner of the country.
So he pays, huge, ever-increasing blackmail to the extortionist, who
continues to threaten him in greater and greater detail. He becomes
anxious and depressed; he cannot function anywhere near his usual
level. He becomes irritable, and his family life declines. He
doesn't sleep well, develops health problems, and is generally in
a lot of trouble.
In sheer desperation, he seeks out someone who will kill the extortionist
for a price. The contract is made, the blackmailer is killed, but
something goes wrong, and our friend is implicated in the murder. He
is tried, and convicted.
There may be a slight possibility that he would, under the circumstances,
escape the worst the law can offer, but you can bet he will do hard
time for it.
Let's examine what threatened this person: his career, all his plans
and preparation for the future, his image and respect from his
loved ones, friends, and the public at large, his income and chances
for any but the most meager living, all were jeopardized. Yet
that was not enough to justify the taking of a life.
Compare these to the situation faced by a woman involuntarily
pregnant. Some of the above may apply, though probably to a lesser
degree. Yet, it seems that many feel that the
fact that virtually ANY change of direction in the mother's life
is reason to kill the child. The mother may well feel great
pressure, but no more than our hypothetical citizen.
I believe that many seemingly hopeless situations that come up in
one's life begin by appearing tragic and insurmounable, but are
well within the power of the mind and heart to not only accept
and tolerate, but to convert to valuable experiences, remembered
without regret. Compassion, support of friends (and professionals
when needed), frank, calm assessment of all alternatives, and
a total absence of judgment or blame (friends and family, but
mostly the the mother herself) can make the pregnancy much
easier to bear. I speak, obviously not from my own experience, but
those of many others who had the help they needed.
--
[ I am not a stranger, but a friend you haven't met yet ]
Ray Simard
Loral Instrumentation, San Diego
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