bts@unc.UUCP (01/06/84)
The following is taken from a "Story Card" sent by a friend
home to Australia for the holidays. I hope you're reading
this, unc!tim.
AUSTRALIAN WOMBAT
(Vombatus hirsutus)
These slow and ponderous marsupials are still plentiful
in the forests of Eastern Australia. They live on grasses
and roots and have only a single pair of upper and lower
incisors. As all teeth are rootless, continuous growth
prevents them from being ground away.
Wombats are speedy diggers and live in deep burrows
some 5 metres long. They breed in early winter, the single
off-spring being carried in the pouch until December.
These solitary, innofensive animals are of gentle
disposition and have been known to become affectionate pets.
Wombats are partially protected under the Wildlife Act
of 1975.
_____________________________________
Bruce Smith, UNC-Chapel Hill
decvax!duke!unc!bts (USENET)
bts.unc@CSnet-Relay (lesser NETworks)tim@unc.UUCP (01/08/84)
The use of the net as a haven for those who seek to blind the eyes of all good Americans to the danger posed by the burrowing of wombats in all walks of life cannot be too strongly discouraged by all men with the temerity to stand up and say, "No slave of the wombat, I!" despite the social criticism and no doubt the prejudices of wombat-loving employers who encourage the burrowing as a "team player" activity while ignoring the true ends of these insidiously digging little maniacs. Thank Ghod for men like Hestus J. Wakspangler! Thank Ghod for the First Amendment! Thank Ghod I haven't been locked up yet! Fight the little boogers, on the beaches of Normandy, on the sandy shores of Iwo Jima, down into the heart of raging volcanos to stomp the blighters until they truly know what America is all about. I for one am not embarrassed to say these things, although you might think I would be, since they don't really hold together, but by Ghod the country needs more men who are willing to stand up and say -- oh, I did that one already. Bye. -- Tim Maroney, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill duke!unc!tim (USENET), tim.unc@csnet-relay (ARPA)
laura@utcsstat.UUCP (Laura Creighton) (01/09/84)
Tim, are we going to get back to Wombats *again*? Don't tell me that you still can axe those fuzzy soft-eyed grass eaters? Burrowing my ass, they sure can't borrow all the way through from Adelaide to Chapel Hill! If they can, they should be treasured since there are lots of uses for such borrows which we poor humans have yet been able to use. You see? Either way you lose. but this is not the best reason for saving wombats. remember the hurt and shocked expression on my face when I discovered your hatred for wombats? Think of the agony that you are causing me! Reach down, deep in to the bottom of your heart and find it there to love wombats -- if not for yourself, then for me. Yours in misery, laura creighton (wombat lover) utcsstat!laura
tim@unc.UUCP (01/10/84)
Normally, I agree with Laura Creighton, but this latest is just too much. Here's what Laura said (in my spiffy new indentation style): L Tim, are we going to get back to Wombats *again*? Don't tell me that A you still can axe those fuzzy soft-eyed grass eaters? Burrowing my ass, U they sure can't borrow all the way through from Adelaide to Chapel R Hill! If they can, they should be treasured since there are lots of A uses for such borrows which we poor humans have yet been able to use. . You see? Either way you lose. Oh, come on now. The burrowing may start in Adelaide, but where does it end? In Hell, no place else! Yes, that's right, wombats are agents of Satan. Why else would they be so cute, except to deceive us? And this "grass" that they eat is sapping the strength of entire nations, once proud, now merely drug-addled and degenerate, limp-wristed, sagging, and smelly. Who do you think grows this stuff? Who smuggles it to the States? None other than these vicious and evil earth termites, that's who! Your suggestion that these trans-continental burrows could be of use is ridiculous -- how would you put a customs office on every new burrow? This reminds me of the use of Scripture by the Devil (don't ask me how -- I got that line from Dave Norris, who didn't seem to know either). Laura goes on to say: L but this is not the best reason for saving wombats. remember the A hurt and shocked expression on my face when I discovered your hatred U for wombats? Think of the agony that you are causing me! Reach down, R deep in to the bottom of your heart and find it there to love A wombats -- if not for yourself, then for me. You are sending yourself to agony. I have pointed out the proper course to you, and you have turned your back on it. Your bones will be gnawed in Hell by the very wombats that you love! I feel really sorry for you, but I guess since you're determined to go to Hell, I can't stop you. (And don't worry about me -- in Heaven they pass out earphones to drown out the cries of the damned being tormented by wombats.) But I think that the real refutation of your position is the fact that you have made typographical errors in your article! That shows how much you really know about wombats, when even a layman like myself is able to refute what you say so easily. -- Tim Maroney, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill duke!unc!tim (USENET), tim.unc@csnet-relay (ARPA)
jrt@hou5g.UUCP (Jaime Tormos) (01/16/84)
WOMBAT LOVERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!! We can not allow callous and unfeeling personages to attack those small, furry creatures that have brought such joy to the hearts of many. (** FRODO **) alias hou5g!jrt
wombat@uicsl.UUCP (01/17/84)
#R:unc:-650400:uicsl:7500037:000:370 uicsl!wombat Jan 16 16:00:00 1984 My, I had no idea I was so controversial. Just what started this thing, anyway? At any rate, Tim will some day have cause to regret his foolish remarks, whereas Laura will be rewarded in the afterlife within that great Tunnel in the Sky. (Maybe an enemy of Tim's is responsible for all your Toronto wombat graffiti, Laura.) Wombat ihnp4!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat
holmes@dalcs.UUCP (Ray Holmes) (01/19/84)
[] Present company excepted, of course!