yba@mit-athena.ARPA (Mark H Levine) (07/04/84)
<for zev, who actually asked to hear it> There was once an old man named Yussel who lost his wife of many years. Being a devout man, he took what solace he could from davening daily at the Temple. As his weeks alone grew to months, his loneliness intensified. He needed another live soul in his small apartment. At the suggestion of a fellow congregationer, he went to the local pet shop to procure an animal companion. Now this pet shop was run by an honest, amiable fellow. He liked to talk to his customers and enjoyed a good haggle. To promote this he posted the asking price of each animal. Yussel thought the prices within reason, and toured the shop. There were AKC puppies for $200, canaries for $25, kittens for $5. Yussel was having a hard time deciding. He could not help but notice the one parrot with a $500 price tag. Yussel went up to the shopkeeper and told him his tale. "I am an old man who lives alone, and I'd like a pet to keep me company. What would you recommend?" The pet shop owner thought awhile and recommended a cat. Yussel thought this might be reasonable, but he had to ask about the $500 parrot. "Tell me, why is that one bird so expensive?", he asked. "That particular parrot is not for sale. I just keep the price there to discourage people from asking." "Why is he not for sale?", asked Yussel. "This parrot my friend, is unique. Many birds have learned to talk, but this one can daven." On hearing this Yussel's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. The thought of having not only a companion but company at his devotions was too much. "I must have this bird!", he said, and proceeded to haggle with the shopkeeper for the better part of an hour. After parting with $400 Yussel took his prize home. Sure enough, the bird knew Mincha/Maarev. In the morning Yussel found it knew Shachris as well. He was so delighted with the bird he went out and bought it a small Kapel and a tiny Talis. Yussel was even seen to smile after that. Eventually the high holidays came around, and it occurred to Yussel that the parrot had never even been to Shabbos services. He thought for a long time, and finally decided that the bird should be present to hear the shofar. He bought the bird a ticket for services, cleaned te cage, and went to Shul with bird in hand. On the morning of Rosh Hashannah services, Yussel and the parrot were met by the Gabbi (not the Rabbi, he wouldn't have noticed) and two of the members of the congregation on the steps of the Shul. The Gabbi stops Yussel and asks where he is going with his bird. "Into the Shul, of course. My parrot can daven, and it is only proper to take him inside. See here, he has a ticket." Of course there was laughter. "Yussel, you cannot take an animal inside. And on Yom Tov! Don't be silly. Everyone knows birds cannot daven." Yussel, knowing better, and not feeling a bit taken aback, said "Oh? You wouldn't care to bet on that would you?" The three of them stopped smiling and thought about it. "You giving odds?" asked one. "Two to one. How much you want to bet?" answered the widower. Deciding (and on Yom Tov!) to take advantage of the old man, the three each agreed to bet against him. Yussel was very pleased--the parrot would be a good investment as well as a good friend! He immediately opened the cage and took the bird on his arm. He started humming to the bird and encouraged it to begin. There was dead silence. The parrot uttered the merest tweet. Yussel was shocked and hurt. Betrayed by his closest companion! He agreed to pay the bets, and wandered home sadly. He put the bird cage back in its place and began to complain aloud to the bird. "How? How could you do this to me? Publicly humiliate me in front of the whole Shul? You stupid bird! You weren't worth 100 dollars, and now you've cost me a thousand!" The parrot listened quietly to the entire tirade. Then, just as calm as you please, it answered Yussel: "Yussel, you fool, think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur!" -- yba%mit-heracles@mit-mc.ARPA UUCP: decvax!mit-athena!yba