minow@decvax.UUCP (Martin Minow) (03/03/86)
There was an interesting symposium on intermarriage at Harvard Hillel today (March 2). The following is from memory: I didn't take notes. Egon Mayer, Professor of Sociology and author of "Love and Tradition: Marriage between Christians and Jews" talked about his interviews with intermarried couples, and statistical studies. It seems that the divorce rate is 5x the average for couples which have no strong religious feelings (as opposed to those where one partner converts). If a partner converts, the divorce rate is normal for the society. Professor Mayer and the other panelists *strongly* recommended bringing up the children in one religion only; and not trying to blend the two and "let the children choose when they're older" because the choice -- in the child's eyes -- is one that can only hurt one of the parents. There was also a spirited debate among and between the three Harvard Hillel Rabbis. Orthodox Rabbi Avi Weinstein maintained the Halachic tradition, noting that converts to Orthodoxy (from anything) are fully embraced by the Orthodox community as co-participants in Halacha. Conservative Rabbi Ben-Zion Gold would not officiate at a marriage where one partner was not Jewish because "the Law does not give him that power" (I.e., it is not a matter in which he is free to choose.) Reform Rabbi Neil Kominsky, in counseling couples, starts from "where the couple is now, rather than suggesting they should have thought this through before falling in love." One very clear message that came through was that the couple should talk through religious issues before getting married; as marriage depends on cooperation and communication and, if you can't work this -- or similar -- problems out before the formal declaration of committment, you're going to have a much more difficult time afterwards. Martin Minow decvax!minow