wasser@viking.DEC (John A. Wasser) (07/03/85)
I would like to start a collection of "null statements", phrases and sentences that are used in product literature and have no information content. For example, I just bought a pair of sunglasses that promise: Eliminates Ultra Violet Rays in the visible spectrum. Since Ultraviolet is (by definition) outside the visible spectrum, this assurance is meaningless. Another example is: Made with all natural elements. This one could be a translation problem (something was translated as "elements" when it should have been "ingredients"). If you have any examples, please send them to me and I will summarize to net.consumers in a couple of weeks. -John A. Wasser Work address: ARPAnet: WASSER%VIKING.DEC@decwrl.ARPA Usenet: {allegra,Shasta,decvax}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-viking!wasser Easynet: VIKING::WASSER Telephone: (617)486-2505 USPS: Digital Equipment Corp. Mail stop: LJO2/E4 30 Porter Rd Littleton, MA 01460
johnston@uiucdcsb.Uiuc.ARPA (07/05/85)
This response contains all of the examples I could think of...
jayj@hpisla.UUCP (Jay Johannes) (07/05/85)
re: meaningless phrases, How about "SAVE UP TO $200 OR MORE"
wrc@ritcv.UUCP (Warren R. Carithers) (07/10/85)
How about the following classic, seen in the produce section of a supermarket: VINE-GROWN TOMATOES Unless I've missed something in the recent literature, aren't they ALL vine-grown? -- Warren R. Carithers, Rochester Institute of Technology (716) 475-2472 UUCP: {allegra,decvax,seismo}!rochester!ritcv!valhalla!wrc CSNET: wrc@rit, wrc%rit@csnet-relay
smuga@mtuxo.UUCP (j.smuga) (07/11/85)
My favorites are the weight loss ads which promise: Lose *up to* n pounds this week! -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Janet Smuga I've had a great many troubles in my time, mtuxo!smuga and most of them never happened. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
broder@magic.ARPA (07/12/85)
VINE-GROWN TOMATOES is of course content-free but VINE-RIPENED is very significant! If you don't see this mention, it might well be the case that the tomatoes were "GAS-RIPENED" that is, picked when hard and green, refrigerated for months, and then made red by being treated with a certain gas, whose name escapes me right now. It goes without saying that the result has no taste. - Andrei
essachs@ihuxl.UUCP (Ed Sachs) (07/15/85)
> VINE-GROWN TOMATOES is of course content-free but VINE-RIPENED is > very significant! If you don't see this mention, it might well be > the case that the tomatoes were "GAS-RIPENED" that is, picked when > hard and green, refrigerated for months, and then made red by being > treated with a certain gas, whose name escapes me right now. It goes > without saying that the result has no taste. > > - Andrei The gas is ethylene (C2H4 for any chemists out there). It is a gas naturally produced by ripening fruit, and does speed the ripening processes when artificially applied. That's why fruit ripens faster when enclosed in a paper bag -- the bag holds the ethylene in. -- Ed Sachs AT&T Bell Laboratories Naperville, IL ihnp4!ihuxl!essachs
dopey@ihlpl.UUCP (James C Blasius) (07/19/85)
This one drives me up a wall... "MORE people prefer ... (to|over) ..." More people prefer it than what? Argh! james blasius ihnp4!ihlpl!dopey
john@moncol.UUCP (John Ruschmeyer) (07/22/85)
Here's my personal favorite: "Our staff has over n years total experience." Almost as bad is: "Our staff members have over n years average experience." -- Name: John Ruschmeyer US Mail: Monmouth College, W. Long Branch, NJ 07764 Phone: (201) 222-6600 x366 UUCP: ...!vax135!petsd!moncol!john ...!princeton!moncol!john ...!pesnta!moncol!john Silly quote: Little boy, I don't care if your dog can talk. Please tell him this is a TARDIS, not a "Way-Back Machine".
hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) (07/23/85)
How about "Just be yourself."? What else can you be? -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe) Citicorp TTI Common Sense is what tells you that a ten 3100 Ocean Park Blvd. pound weight falls ten times as fast as a Santa Monica, CA 90405 one pound weight. (213) 450-9111, ext. 2483 {philabs,randvax,trwrb,vortex}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe
jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos) (07/26/85)
This is not quite what was asked for, but the quotes from product literature reminded me of a favorite Product Description of mine. The following is a description of a dot matrix printer, which appeared at the start of the printer's user manual for OEMs. The manual was apparently written in Japanese, and translated by someone who didn't quite understand the semantics of one of the languages involved. I've changed the name of the product in the text below. It has since been replaced by newer, better versions (albeit perhaps lacking in the noble ideals of this model, however! (-: ), and I doubt the company would want to claim the paragraphs. In reading this, bear in mind that this is the first thing the user reads on opening the manual, the inspiring product description for the printer he has just bought... The excellent output machine of ACME MODEL Z-298 as extra-ordinary DOT MATRIX LINE PRINTER, built in two MICRO- PROCESSORSs as well as EAROM, is featured by permitting wonderful co-existence such as; 'high quality against low cost', 'diversified functions with compact design', 'flexibility in accessibleness and durability of approx. 2000,000,000 Dot/Head', 'being sophisticated in mechanism but possibly agile operating under noises being extremely suppressed', etc. And, as a matter of course, the final goal is just simply to help achieve 'super shuttle diplomacy' between cool data, perhaps earned by HOST COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being. -- Shyy-Anzr: J. Eric Roskos UUCP: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer US Mail: MS 795; Perkin-Elmer SDC; 2486 Sand Lake Road, Orlando, FL 32809-7642
pfeiffer@uwvax.UUCP (Phil Pfeiffer) (07/26/85)
Q: When does "50M water resistant" not mean "50M water resistant" ? A: When it refers to Casio watches. My wife and I don't do a lot of scuba diving, but we do dive regularly when we're on vacation. We average between ten and twenty dives a year, at depths heretofore not exceeding 50'. I have an older Casio watch, stamped "water resist 100 meters" ( 328' ). My wife had a 50M ( 164') water resist Casio, which died after a dive to 25M ( 82' ) two Sundays ago, during an advanced certification course. Sunday evening Linda noticed moisture inside the crystal; by Tuesday, her Casio was zombied. Yesterday Lin dug the Casio watch user's guide out of a dresser drawer. Rereading the guide, she discovered a table detailing "proper use" for Casio watches which we had somehow missed. I reproduce the part of the table that's relevant to this discussion below: Case designation Splashes, Swimming, car Snorkeling, Scuba rain, etc. washing, etc. diving, etc. diving WATER RESISTANT Yes No No No (--> Lap swimmers beware !!) 50M WATER RESISTANT Yes Yes No No (according to the guide, this watch "does not permit underwater button operation". We never had any problems with operating the buttons, however, in previous dives down to 50'). 100M WATER RESISTANT Yes Yes Yes No (according to the guide, the 100M watch "permits underwater button operation (except where buttons are countersunk)" ) 200M WATER RESISTANT Yes Yes Yes Yes Note that "50M water resistant" and "100M water resistant" doesn't mean what divers might think these terms mean. Note, however, that Lin's 50M water resist watch worked fine down to 50'. My 100M watch still runs as well as it ever did ( i.e., reasonably well, if you don't mind a watch that resets itself to "Sunday, January 1, 12:00 midnight", several times a year, for no apparent reason). P.S.: According to the user's guide, the watch might have survived, had it been overhauled immediately after we had noticed the condensation. -- -- Phil Pfeiffer "Fundy's long, and Fundy's wide, Fundy's fog, and rain, and tide, Never see the sun or sky, just a green wave rolling by." [Gordon Bok]
heneghan@ihu1m.UUCP (Joe Heneghan) (07/29/85)
I have a CASIO G-SHOCK that I bought at Venture for $35 (1/2 price). It has a lot of good features and I've noticed a few abnormalities: While ice sailing last winter @ -30 with a windchill of -60, I noticed a little condensation under the crystal. As soon as I got warmed up, it went away. Sometimes on the hour the alarm goes off at about 1/5 the volume when the alarm is intentionally set. I was getting a rash under the wrist band but when I loosened it up a little, it was fine. The day of the week field is "bleeding" a little. In spite of these anomalies, the watch keeps good time and all the functions appear as advertised.