moriarty@uw-june.UUCP (04/13/84)
You're missing the whole point! I'd like to point out that the National
Forest Service has been using advertising as propoganda for the last 20
years! How? Let's take a look at this case history:
THE AD: In 1960, during a broadcast of "The Wonderful World of
Disney" (a True-life Adventure called "Sex among Mouseketeers"), an ad is
shown. It shows a friendly, pleasant bear, dressed in khaki pants (very
large khaki pants, admittingly) and a Forest Ranger hat who smiles at the
TV audience and says "Only you can prevent forest fires" in a voice that
makes Burl Ives sound like Raymond Massey. The vocal bruin is surrounded by
a group of friendly forest creatures, all smiling and chattering happily.
Little Marcia Bullwinka, watching the ad, is enchanted by the amiable
animals, and begins a lifelong ambition to meet Smokey.
THE CONCEQUENCES: Marcia and her parents, Boris and Rocky, are
visiting Yellowstone Park in 1962 on vacation. Marcia has been looking
forward to the vacation all year, in the hopes of a chance to meet her idol.
Camping out in a secluded campsite, the family is having an afternoon picnic
beside their Winnebago. Suddenly, and to Marcia's great delight, the famous
bear steps out from among the trees and begins walking towards their
campsite. Boris, while astonished with the chance to meet such a celibrity,
could not help noting that the bear's breath "smelled like a distillery".
When Smokey had gotten close enough to the picnic table, Marcia tried to
offer him her autograph book and a pen, and asked politely for his
signiture. Smokey replied with a drunken snort and the back of his paw,
knocking Marcia head over heels into the Winnebago and destroying forever a
promising career as a cheerleader. Boris and Rocky were forced at fangpoint
into the rear of the camper while Smokey, in a scene reminiscent from "The
Lost Weekend" (Rocky said latter he slurred his words "just like Ray
Milland") begin stuffing food, drinks, kleenex and detergent into his gaping
maw. Upon finding Boris's case of Wild Turkey (used by the family "for
medicinal purposes") Smokey really went mad, sucking the whiskey out of
several bottles, swallowing at once and then upchucking all over the
fold-down bed. Meanwhile, the bear's forest friends were stealing the
Bullwinkas' hubcaps and writing obscene messages on the soot-covered rear
window of the Winnebago. Before leaving the campsite and the terrified
family, Smokey defecated in the driver's seat of the camper, and then threw
a can of liter fuel on the smoldering campfire, igniting the picnic area and
starting one of the largest forest infernos in Yellowstone history. The
Bullwinkas were fined $5,000 for fire damage, and their story has been
supressed by ashamed Forest Service officials to this day.
How much longer are we going to put up with outrages like this? How long
will it take America before she wakes up, clears her eyes, goes to the
bathroom, has a cigarette and coffee and finally SEES this mockery of all we
believe in for what he is?! I feel that Smokey the Bear is one of the worst
threats to World freedom in the last 50 years, and I urge you people to wake
up and do something about it!! And anyone who feels any differently about
this than me is a MEALY-MOUTHED CRETIN!!!! {Insert Mick Belker growl here}.
{God, it's about time we got something silly in net.flame and
net.misc! Politics, religion and net etiquette; nothing really silly
since the wombat controversy. Lets hope is starts here.}
"You must cut down the tallest tree in the forest WIIITH... A HERRING!"
Moriarty
{ihnp4|decvax|tektronix}!uw-beaver!uw-june!moriarty