spaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) (05/26/84)
Under terms of the US Unnatural Disasters Act (USC 42 - Stanford 7),
and the Environmental Protection Act of 1980, warning is hearby
given that:
Uncle Spaf, the Vegan Ewok, and Uncle Chuqui, the Plaid
Warlock, will be in personal proximity on or about June
15 in the vicinity of Sunnyvale, California.
Mothers are warned to hide their daughters, and fathers are
warned to safeguard their small fuzzy animals (especially
attractive sheep). Barkeeps are invited to increase their
inventory. California residents are advised to beware the
increased possibility of natural phenomena, such as earthquakes
and rains of fire.
Philosophers, Usenetters, and fools with money are invited to
apply for audience with these two learned individuals as they
discourse on life, love, money, enlightenment, and their own
unique way of avoiding all of these. Wombats may also be
discussed, but only if there are no minors present.
Philosophical Usenetters with money are especially welcome, but
only if they're buying, or intent on learning the joys of
giving freely.
Nubile young females (species open) are also invited to attend
this momentous occasion. However, entrants in this category
will be expected to meet certain requirements. A preliminary
screening exam is given below:
1) A koan is:
a) A Euclidian solid whose cross-section is an eclipse
b) The man "Yankee Doodle Dandy" was about
c) A means of understanding what cannot be understood
2) Oral sex is:
a) An evangelist faith healer
b) How teeth reproduce
c) Tasty with cheese dip
3) My four favorite magazines are:
a) Modern Bride, JACM, Better Homes & Gardens, TV Guide
b) True Detective, Reader's Digest, Ms, Seventeen
c) National Lampoon, The Dragon, JIR, Rolling Stone
4) A goodnight kiss is:
a) Given to my teddy bear
b) Full of icky germs
c) More interesting the further down it's given
If you answered (a) to more than two questions, you're far too
straight for us. If you answered (b) to more than two
questions then you're too strange for us. If you answered (c)
to 2 or more questions, you should present yourself for further
questioning. Unfortunately, applicants' travel expenses will
have to be covered by the applicants themselves; we can't cover
travel expenses from such scenic locales as Brookline, Austin,
or Newport (to drop a few names {and/or hints}).
If you would like further details to aid in planning of Civil Defense
measures, please send mail to ...!nsc!chuqui or ...!spaf!gatech
before June 1, or just to chuq until June 14.
--
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech @ CSNet-Relay
uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,ihnp4,masscomp,ut-ngp}!gatech!spaf
...!{rlgvax,sb1,uf-cgrl,unmvax,ut-sally}!gatech!spafchuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach) (05/29/84)
Well, it serves me right to try to do something other than computers over a
weekend. It seems I have been duly volunteered to throw a party for the
Vegan outlaw. Look at me. See how thrilled I am? wow! Wonderful. Anyone for
a dramamime and cyanide cocktail?
Seriously, the end of the world party IS going to happen. Tentative plans
schedule it for June 14 (A thursday) to be held at the Warlocks cave. I'm
don't think he is worth catering the affair, but you never know. I'll post
more details later as things firm up but if you are interested drop me a
line so I can figure out how many bodies to expect.
(Now I'm going to have to go to Georgia just to get even... *grrr*)
chuq
--
From the closet of anxieties of: Chuq Von Rospach
{amd70,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui (408) 733-2600 x242
I'm sure I have my death ray in here somewhere...pooh@ut-sally.UUCP (Wendy P. Nather) (05/30/84)
<eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. . .~>
Ahem. Young man, I don't know what you are alluding to
with all these Austin and Texas references, but allow me
to make known to you the dangers of Paisley magic. . .
What I want to know is, what's in it for us gals?
(Or "nubile females," as I think the recipe called for.)
I think all prospective interviewers should answer this
quiz themselves:
POOH'S EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER QUIZ FOR MEN OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER
1) If a warm-blooded, enthusiastic woman were to breathe down
my neck and nuzzle my earlobe while I was sitting at the terminal,
I would:
a) say, "Darling, couldn't you wait until the next compile?"
b) lose control and attack the CRT
c) logout so fast it would make your head spin and
proceed with a different type of interfacing
2) The weather outside
a) makes no difference to me; I haven't seen the light
of day since I began this program and two new rogue
games four weeks ago
b) is perfect for taking my printouts outside so I can
do a little debugging and maybe get a tan
c) is so nice I'm going to find a girl to go skinny-dipping
with
3) My favorite magazines are:
a) I don't have time to read
b) US NEWS & DUNGEON REPORT; Byte; Playboy
c) True Confessions; National Lampoon; Vibrations
4) I plan to go to this party
a) so I can talk to fellow hackers and learn the
latest developments in rogue 5.2
b) so I can meet a couple of girls/attractive sheep
and relieve my baser urges so I can go back to
undistracted hacking
c) to meet a wonderful girl with whom I can share
all my interests besides hacking: wine-tasting,
back-rubbing, philosophical speculation on the
origins of the universe and of the two sexes,
walking in the rain, and proper spelling and
grammatical usage (which I haven't been able
to try out until now because of the prosaic
limitations of Fortran)
If you answered one question with a or b, there's hope
for you. If you answered more than one with a or b,
you need serious help. If you answered two or more with
c, send photograph and serious inquiries to
Campaign to Make the World Go Out with a Bang,
Not a Whimper
c/o {ihnp4!} ut-sally!pooh
And who says women can't be sexist too!
Pooh [Looking for a custom fit in an off-the-rack world. . ]
pooh@ut-sally.UUCP (Wendy P. Nather) (05/30/84)
I would like to post a formal complaint about the selection of day for the party. Why a Thursday? Are you trying to keep the long-distance undesirables (namely me) away? How are those of us who have to travel going to manage to get away on a Thursday? We might have a running start if it were on a Friday. Besides, the party can go on longer if it's on the weekend. . .:-) Pooh
ab3@stat-l (Rsk the Wombat) (05/30/84)
Damn, I wish I could be there; I'd just love to see Chuq and Gene
deal with a Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster. What? You say they've been drinking
them for years? Oh, that explains *everything*.
Drink a Henry Weinhardt's for me, folks.
From the Post-Indy-500-semi-alcoholic-dazed-and-confused-rainy-non-canoe-trip,
--
Rsk the Wombat
UUCP: { allegra, decvax, ihnp4, harpo, teklabs, ucbvax } !pur-ee!rsk
{ cornell, eagle, hplabs, ittvax, lanl-a, ncrday } !purdue!rskspaf@gatech.UUCP (Gene Spafford) (05/31/84)
No need to come to Georgia to get even, Chuq. They heard about the
party, and the entire state is planning on attending.
But seriously, friends, we've gotten some good responses from potential
suicides who want to meet Chuq and myself. If you're interested in
attending, drop Chuq a note asking for details. The party is sort of
BYOB (Bring Your Own Bail), I expect. Also, since I sort of
volunteered Uncle Chuq for the party without his knowledge while he was
cavorting over the weekend, please don't invite along any motorcycle
gangs, battleships crews on leave, or Libyan hit squads. I think we'd
better keep the whole thing at a level somewhere below the
classification of "brush war," if not below "major riot." I'm gonna
have a difficult enough time as it is making up with Chuq for the idea
of the party; I don't want to have to explain damage to the cave walls.
(By the way, to the two people who have sent me complaints about
posting this "joke" to the net: it is not a joke, we're serious
about the party. And you're not invited, so nyaaaahh!)
--
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf%GATech @ CSNet-Relay
uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,ihnp4,masscomp,ut-ngp}!gatech!spaf
...!{rlgvax,sb1,uf-cgrl,unmvax,ut-sally}!gatech!spafsmoot@ut-sally.UUCP (Smoot Carl-Mitchell) (05/31/84)
> I'm sure I have my death ray in here somewhere...
You got the quote wrong. It is:
"I'm pretty sure I've got my death-ray in here somewhere..."
The quote is from Sam Fuqua Hurt, a local cartoonist, who does
a comic strip called "eyebeam". Eyebeam is an eccentric young
lawyer, fresh out of law school who talks to his own hallucintions.
He also invents time machines in his spare time.
Need I say more. The quote is also the title of his first
book of comic strips. If you can get a copy of it please do for
Sam's sake. He is quite funny in a slightly weird sort of way.
BTW ut-sally is named for eyebeam's live-in girlfriend. We also
have machines named after Eyebeam and his roomate Ratliff, as
well as Eyebeam's law office partners. Hopefully we will also
have machines named after Eyebeam's hallucinations, Hank and Duffy.
--
Smoot Carl-Mitchell, CS Dept. University of Texas at Austin
{seismo, ctvax, ihnp4}!ut-sally!smoot, smoot@ut-sally.{ARPA, UUCP}arnold@gatech.UUCP (President) (05/31/84)
Personally, I would advise all you netters to place a phone call to any
friends, family, old room-mates, etc., that you may have in California,
sometime *before* June 14, and tell them Good-Bye, nice knowin ya.
I fully expect that when gatech!spaf and nsc!chuqui get together, the
San Andreas fault will say "Enough!", and California will slide slowly and
gracefully into the ocean..... There are even limits to what can happen
in California!
So much for eventually going to Silicon Valley and starting my company!
--
Arnold Robbins
President, Digital Entomologists, Inc.
-- Bugs available for any software/hardware combination, reasonably priced.
-- Guaranteed difficult to track down, once installed.
{ `uuname | sort -u` }!gatech!arnolded@mtxinu.UUCP (06/01/84)
It seems to me that the party can go on longer if it starts on Thursday than on Friday. It just starts one day sooner! Who said when it would end? -- Ed Gould ucbvax!mtxinu!ed