rlr@pyuxn.UUCP (Rich Rosen) (07/18/84)
I've had just about enough of people abusing and misusing my signature lines.
*AND* I've had just about enough of having to explain them to bozos completos
(that's Spanish for "complete bozos"). I'm not complaining about the
inquisitive ones who simply ask questions about what the hidden meanings are.
I'm complaining about the ones who send me "witty" notes saying "Well, it
wasn't submitted for MY approval" or "Pardon YOU for writing to the net at all,
yutzo!" Since I seem to be the only ones who has to, on a continuing basis,
account for and explain my signature lines, here goes, for the first and
hopefully last time:
1) "Pardon me for breathing..."
From "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. Marvin, the
paranoid android, the manically depressed robot, says in response to something
or other: "Pardon me for breathing which I never do anyway so I don't know why
I bothered to mention it ... Oh, God, I'm so depressed." If I had included the
whole sentence, people would have complained that it was too long. Just goes
to show, you can't win at all... (From the same scene that gave us: "Life,
don't talk to me about life...")
[NOW THAT THIS SHOW IS BEING RE-BROADCAST BY MANY PBS STATIONS, WATCH THE SHOW
AND FIGURE IT ALL OUT FOR YOURSELF, ASSUMING YOU'RE UNABLE TO READ THE BOOKS.]
[WINNER: Most Abusive Comments (in Quantity and Quality) Pertaining to a
Single Signature Line - 1983]
2) "Never ASSUME, because when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME."
From the TV series, "The Odd Couple". Tony Randall reproaches a prosecuting
attorney (or something like that) for assuming. (The judge liked it...)
[Runner-up in above contest...]
3) "Submitted for your approval..."
From the stereotypical ending of the Twilight Zone TV series. Rod Serling
probably never said it, much like Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam" or ...
[In the running for the 1984 version of the aforementioned award.]
4) WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Rich Rosen
WHAT IS YOUR NET ADDRESS? pyuxn!rlr
WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF ASSYRIA? I don't know that ... ARGHHHHHHHH!
From the classic movie "Monty Python & the Holy Grail". Said by the bridge
keeper (the man from scene 24) to Sir Robin the not-so-brave as Sir Lancelot.
[Of course, he didn't use *my* name... Very few abusive comments, but
several answers to the third question, including Ashur, Nineveh, and Newark.]
5) "So, it was all a dream!" --Mr. Pither
"No, dear, this is the dream; you're still in the cell." --his mother
From "A Cycling Tour of North Cornwall", an episode of Monty Python's Flying
Circus. A man in a prison cell (apparently) wakes up sitting in a chair in
his mother's yard. She offer him a cup of tea. The above dialogue follows.
[One question about the meaning of this signature line resulted in a thesis
being mailed to rabbit!ark, for which he thanked me for some unknown reason.]
6) "Now, Benson, I'm going to have to turn you into a dog for a while."
"Ohhhh, thank you, Master!!"
From the movie "Time Bandits". Said by David Warner as the evil what's his
name to one of his servants who was extremely useless and overobedient.
7) "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
From "Star Wars: A New Hope" (the first movie). Said by Obi-Wan Kenobe to
Luke as they looked down at the Mos Eisley spaceport below. Later UNIXified
to read "a more wretched hive of scum and villainy: not found".
8) You are not morg. You are not I-morg.
From "Spock's Brain", first episode of Star Trek's third season. Said by one
of the females (can't remember whether they were the morgs or the eymorgs---
corrected spelling). From the same episode that gave us "Brain and brain!
What is brain?"
9) You are not scream. You are not I-scream.
You are not SAM. You are not ISAM.
Derived from above.
10) It doesn't matter what you wear, just as long as you are there.
From "Dancing in the Streets" by Holland/Dozier/Holland, recorded by Martha
Reeves & the Vandellas. Supposedly this song was Keith Richards' inspiration
for the riff for the song "Satisfaction".
11) "An argument is an intellectual process. It isn't the automatic
gainsaying of anything the other person says."
" ... Can be."
Monty Python's "Argument Clinic" sketch.
All the others (to my recollection), including "train of thought/bus of
thought", "This unit apologizes for having opinions", "AT THE TONE...", and "If
it doesn't change your life", were originals, and consequently have no real
meaning. I hope this answers all of your questions. Anyone caught misusing
or maligning of these lines in the future will be shot. There will be a test
next Tuesday at 10 am. Thank you for listening.
--
Now I've lost my train of thought. I'll have to catch the bus of thought.
Rich Rosen pyuxn!rlralbrecht@bsdgvax.UUCP (07/23/84)
To Rich: If you can stand a little more abuse ... > 3) "Submitted for your approval..." > From the stereotypical ending of the Twilight Zone TV series. Rod Serling > probably never said it, much like Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam" or .. > [In the running for the 1984 version of the aforementioned award.] I thought this line was from the opening of the "Night Gallery" TV series hosted by Mr. Serling. Mr. Serling did actually make this statement. Rich, I don't know how any one person can take so much abuse :-). -- Tom Albrecht Burroughs Corp. SDG/Devon