dave@utcsrgv.UUCP (Dave Sherman) (11/13/83)
One hears a lot about how important "bonding" is - bringing the
baby and the mother together immediately after birth for a period
of time, before worrying about all the testing, cleaning up, etc.
Can anyone with personal experience comment? Did you feel it made a
difference? In what way?
Dave Sherman
--
{allegra,cornell,decvax,ihnp4,linus,utzoo}!utcsrgv!davestanwyck@ihuxr.UUCP (Don Stanwyck) (11/14/83)
While I am not sure there is any "scientific" evidence for the importance of bonding, there are a lot of testimonials available. For my wife and I, I think it may have been as (or more) important to us as (than) to our son. We delivered in a birthing room, attended by a very understanding doctor (if anyone in the Minneapolis area is interested we will send references), and were allowed to hold our son for 2+ hours before he was taken to the nursery. This was really great for me, and probably one of my life's most precious times - to be able to help in the delivery, then to hold my son for awhile while my wife was delivering the afterbirth and getting cleaned up and sewn up herself. We even had a friend in to see us 3 before the nurse took him to weigh him and measure him, etc. On another point - our Lamaze instructor (a former maternity ward nurse) had pointed us toward arythromiacin (sp?) cream rather than silver nitrate, and it turned out that the hjospital we delivered in had gone to using the cream instead of the silver nitrate as the s.o.p. just weeks before we delivered. From our experiance and our friends experiances, it seems to cause less problems for the baby, and gives all the protection that the silver nitrate was supposed to. (Not that we knew of any reason for us to worry, but the laws of most states require something anyway.) -- ________ ( ) Don Stanwyck @( o o )@ 312-979-6667 ( || ) Cornet-367-6667 ( \__/ ) ihnp4!ihuxr!stanwyck (______) Bell Labs @ Naperville, IL
ksh@cbosgd.UUCP (Karen Summers-Horton) (11/14/83)
I was all prepared for the wonderful experience of holding my child right after he was born, but a C-section prevented this from happening. In fact, I did not hold my son until he was 3 days old - he was in the intensive care nursery until then. But that first time was the most wonderful thing I'll ever know. I can tell you - bonding between parent and infant happens that first time you hold your baby - whenever that may be. SO PLEASE, parents who have children and cannot hold them right away, don't put yourself through the torture of thinking your baby won't know you, and that you've missed something very important that you can't get back, because I can tell you, you haven't. Karen Summers-Horton
tjt@kobold.UUCP (T.J.Teixeira) (11/15/83)
I agree with Don Stanwyck that "bonding" may be more important for the
parents than for the child (of course, I would expect my children to
feel the opposite).
I would also say that being present at the birth isn't sufficient. Of
course, all the hospitals that I have heard of that allow the father to
be present at all require both parents to have attended some sort of
childbirth class. Before our first child was born, we went to one of
these courses (2-3 hours/week for 8-10 weeks). This was extremely
useful for getting me used to the idea of becoming a parent. Although
this wasn't the only time my wife and I discussed how we thought our
lives would change after our baby was born, it was helpful to have some
time that was set aside exclusively for this.
In contrast, when our second child was born my wife decided to just
take a refresher course (the wives went alone for one session and the
husbands went to three others). I was then just starting to work lots
of unreasonable hours (the joys of working for a startup company) and
so spent less time getting acclimated to having another baby. When my
daughter was born, the labor was much shorter (as is typical for second
pregnancies), and my involvement with the whole process was less. As a
result, my feelings towards my daughter when she was born were much
different than towards my son, and it took a long time before I didn't
think of having another baby around as more of a nuisance than
otherwise.
I guess my moral here is to avoid the temptation to get minimally
involved with having a baby *before* the baby is born, particularly if
you think you are too busy. This may not have helped since I *was*
still very busy at work for the next several months, but I still wish
we had taken the longer course the second time anyway.
--
Tom Teixeira, Massachusetts Computer Corporation. Westford MA
...!{harpo,decvax,ucbcad,tektronix}!masscomp!tjt (617) 692-6200peg@linus.UUCP (Margaret E. Craft) (11/15/83)
I held her as soon as the doctor decided she was breathing and the nurse made a half-hearted swipe at her messiness (she was VERY messy...). For about 15 minutes (while they were cleaning ME up), I had her in my arms. Did it help? I think so. The whole experience is so amazing, that I needed that reality to be convinced that it was, indeed, a baby!! She got weighed and labeled and wrapped up, then back to me for about an hour, during which time she nursed (or did a reasonable approximation thereof) and we looked each other over. Now THAT was definitely worth it, even though I was very tired... On the other hand, friends who, for various reasons, didn't get "hands-on" experience for a couple of hours have reported no resulting difficulties. My feeling is that it is a very nice experience, and unless there's some reason you can't make it work, then you should go for it. But if it DOESN'T happen, it won't ruin the relationship. Just think of it as an initial beautiful moment to begin a long, happy life... Sort of like a great New Year's Eve...
benw@pyuxn.UUCP (B Weber) (11/15/83)
An article in a recent Parent's magazine (sorry, I don't remember the issue) reported on a study which summarized hundreds of other studies done of bonding, looking for benefits of the experience. They came to one conclusion: The only major and lasting impact of bonding is extreme guilt on the part of parents that don't "bond". Being able to "bond" (god, I hate that phrase...sounds like psychobabble) is certainly nice, but there is plenty of time to know and love your child. Unfortunately, recent books and other media make the new parenst feel like they are remiss in their duties if they don't bond (or do Leboyer (sp?), or a host of other "psychologically beneficial" things). As a new parent myself, I was appalled at the amount of pseudoscience and outright quackery associated with current pregnancy/childbirth/childraising literature. Amazing that we were all able to be born and grow up ourselves!! Ben Weber ATTWECO @ BTL, Piscataway pyuxn!benw
pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins) (11/16/83)
We planned an Alternative Birthing Center (in hospital) birth for our son, but when it came time to push, the OB decided we should move to a traditional delivery room. This meant (because of DUMB hospital regulations) that we could not spend a few quiet hours with our son in the ABC room. We were shuttled off to the OB Recovery room. I clutched my new son, shielding his eyes from the bright lights and loud sounds. In Recovery, I was encouraged to eat (labor had been ridiculously long). So, my husband took our son and began to talk quietly to him, but mostly just to make eye contact and do a little gently massage. One nurse even came in and snapped a Polaroid (with flash)! After a 20 hour labor, I was in no condition to be all that assertive, but when they suggested that they take our son away so that I could get some rest, I spoke up. In fact, I nursed Adam in the Recovery Room. Adam roomed with me in the hospital, 24-hours a day. I became tuned into him IMMEDIATELY. Once we were home, I kept him close by (he slept a lot). Adam is now eight months old. I don't doubt that I would love him every bit as much if we hadn't had that initial bonding time, however, I would be missing some magical memories. I believe that the reassurances my husband and I were able to give to Adam as he entered this bright, noisy world helped him to make the transition. BTW, I believe that the bonding experience takes place long before birth. I hummed tunes to Adam which seemed to calm him in utero. I often gently massaged him, an activity he now enjoys. I learned how to "hear" Adam by his movements. And finally, my "bonding" has continued during the past eight months. My husband has found less time/inclination to learn to listen to our son. As a result (I believe), Adam is very responsive with me, happy and relaxed. While he enjoys playing with his father, he cries MUCH more with him and is not as relaxed. I don't think there is a single moment for bonding. It must be ongoing and its never too late to start...if you can open your heart. Patricia Collins hplabs
mark@umcp-cs.UUCP (11/16/83)
I thinking bonding is very important, but anecdotes can never
establish or refute this fact. Our first was born in a hospital
but spent the first hour of life with us. Later they removed
her and refused to return her for 3 hours. We have always
felt that this was a bad experience for her and imagine that
we see evidence in her later separation fears, etc.
Our second was born at home, wasn't separated from more than one parent
at a time for 3 months (and when I say not separated I mean literally
in our arms or next to us sleeping and awake). There has been much
less separation anxiety in this child, we think, so far. she is now
2.4.
--
spoken: mark weiser
UUCP: {seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!mark
CSNet: mark@umcp-cs
ARPA: mark.umcp-cs@CSNet-Relayjanr@orca.UUCP (Jan Rowell) (11/16/83)
My experience was that in the long run it doesn't matter, but in the short run it's definitely more *fun* and more moving to have free access to the baby immediately after the birth. The only caveat is not to feel like there's been permanent damage done to the relationship if, for whatever reason, the opportunity to bond immediately isn't there.
ksh@cbosgd.UUCP (11/18/83)
I want to take the time to tell people that "rooming in" in the hospital is a wonderful thing - but it's not for everyone. Rooming in is when you have your baby with you 24 hours a day after you give birth. For some new parents, labor was either very difficult, or not by normal means, and its every bit as necessary for the new mother to regain her strength as it is to "bond" with your baby 24 hours a day. The normal 3-5 day hospital stay is that way for a reason - a lot of women NEED that time to get themselves physically ready to go home and take care of a newborn. Personally, I could not have gotten out of a hospital bed for the first 3 days after my son was born, even if I had the opportunity for rooming in. Whats more, is there was a subtle pressure all along, making me feel guilty that I didn't have him with me more than I did - I felt I had to constantly explain my reasons. I think hospital birth has come a long way in the last few years, and is taking great pains to accomodate new parents. So if your hospital does not have policies that you can agree with, by all means choose another. Teaching hospitals associated with Universities usually have the most innovative methods.