ekh@machaids.UUCP (Gene) (12/14/83)
I have been meaning to add to the recent discussion on net.kids, and figured I should let the real expert (my wife) contribute: I'm writing because recent articles in net.kids have reminded me of a subject that's very dear to me--natural mothering. What's that? Well in many ways it is a lot like natural childbirth. Both require knowledge, a positive attitude, a respect for nature, effort, and support and help from the father. Both offer great rewards, although those who haven't experienced these things may not understand. Natural mothering involves frequent breastfeeding "on demand," to feed and to comfort the baby. It involves meeting an infant's needs day and night. It involves nightime and daytime closeness with the child. It involves freely giving up some of your sleep for the sake of your baby. (I imagine some of you folks out in "netland" give up some of your sleep occasionally for the sake of your job, right?) The rewards include: 1) a close, loving relationship with a wonderful little person who just happens to be your child! 2) a child who knows what love is and feels deeply loved, 3) a sense of satisfaction that you gave of yourself to do your job of parenting as well as you could. It still amazes me that our culture advises parents to get away with doing as little as possible to nurture an infant; bottlefeed, overuse pacifiers, prop the bottle, get away from your baby, don't spoil your baby, let your baby cry it out, make your baby sleep through the night! When this advice is taken to extremes, the job of parenting becomes the menial, boring job of custodial infant care. No wonder our culture goes on to label mothering as "unfulfilling!" Here are some books that I recommend: "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing, The Ecology of Natural Mothering," by Sheila Kipley, 1974, Harper & Row. "The Family Bed, An Age Old Concept in Child Rearing," Tine Thevinin, 1976, published by the author. "Motherlove, Natural Mothering, Birth to Three Years," Alice Bricklin, 1975, Running Press. "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding," La Leche League International, 1981. "To love a Baby," Sandy Jones, (probably Houghton Mifflin). These books include references to scientific studies. Jone's bibliography is particularly fascinating. From Joann Harvey, mother of Robin (4 1/2) and Eugene (2), two very natural kids.
benw@pyuxn.UUCP (B Weber) (12/20/83)
What an amazing article! Sounds like you're really in tune the the cosmic ecological vibes, 'cause, like, babies need their space to relate to. What a crock!! We have twin girls, 7 months old (Allison and Shannon). They are bottle fed, with a flexible schedule. The last bottle of the night is just that. They sleep in their own room, in their own cribs. They use pacifiers (they often put them in themselves). The results are: 1) a close, loving relationship with wonderful little persons who just happens to be your child! 2) children who knows what love is and feels deeply loved, 3) a sense of satisfaction that you gave of yourself to do your job of parenting as well as you could. Other results are: 4) A close loving relationship with a person who just happens to be my wife. 5) Children who are self reliant, confident, can learn on their own and occupy themselves. 6) Parents who can perform other functions besides parenting. We don't neglect our kids. I won't go into the details of how we are raising them, but we give them all the attention they need; they are happy and alert and have wonderful dispositions (sorry, but they've always slept through the night...maybe I should wake them up for a feeding). The main "method" is to use our common sense, and that means, to us, a time for them, a time for us, and a time for all of us together. Natural parenting? What is that, exactly? Organic parents? EST for tots? I am very tired of hearing and reading what I MUST do to be a good parent, lest I scar my children for life. We do what our common sense dictates. That does not include spending ALL of our time with our kids, dedicating EVERY MOMENT of our attention to them, or letting them alone dictate our lives. I mean, housework has to get done too, y'know. Every author in the world is an expert, and there are a lot of child raising books that set me on the floor laughing. For instance, one book (whose name, gratefully, escapes me), stated that you should NEVER, EVER, EVER ignore a child's cry. (a view with which you agree, no doubt). Does the author have kids? We can tell when our kids are uncomfortable, in pain, hungry, etc, but sometimes they cry because they are overtired, just in a cranky mood, and even (shocks of shocks) because they don't want to be held anymore. I do believe that you can be overattentive; I feel it is as bad as neglect, but that is beside the point. If you feel that "natural" parenting is the way to go, fine...we all take our consequences. But don't label parents who raise children in the accepted way of our culture as "unfulfilled"; don't look down on the rest of society. Our kids are NOT unnatural, NOT inferior, and will no doubt grow up to lead good, productive lives. Ben Weber AT&T T (WECO) PY pyuxn!benw
burton@fortune.UUCP (Philip Burton) (01/06/84)
Thanks, my thoughts exactly. Now that it's Ok, even required, that
fathers be in the delivery room, participate in their children's upbringing,
(which brings me much joy), I find that the new regime is every bit as
oppresive as the ancien regime, except that I happen to agree more with
the new one.
But, may the heavens protect me, should I/we revert to the old role models,
such as my wife getting drugs during delivery, or doing chores around the
house that are sex-role defined. e.g. I do the work on the cars and the
plumbing, and she does the shopping.
Oh well, we can't all make it to heaven, the kind that the Movement kids
grown up have designed for the rest of us.
--
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Philip Burton, Fortune Systems, 101 Twin Dolphin Drive,
Redwood City, CA 94065 (415) 595-8444 x 526
{allegra,ucbvax!amd70,cbosgd,harpo,hpda,ihnp4,sri-unix}!fortune!burtonberry@zehntel.UUCP (01/10/84)
#R:pyuxn:-38700:zinfandel:22500003:000:436 zinfandel!berry Jan 9 13:34:00 1984 I don't care what you think, but I agree with the author you forgot (Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson, I believe) that you should NEVER EVER EVER ignore a child's cry. You may listen and evaluate it, and CHOOSE to do nothing if in your experienced judgement no action is necessary, but PLEASE don't IGNORE it!!! Sheesh. I hope you didn't mean what I thought you meant. Berry Kercheval Zehntel Inc. (ihnp4!zehntel!zinfandel!berry) (415)932-6900