unicorn@bmcg.UUCP (02/29/84)
I have an 8 yr. old girl who is the most ornery, disagreeable, stubborn kid imaginable. She has the view that she is the equal with both me and her stepfather when it comes to privileges (watching which TV programs, etc), and in the past, has refused to compromise one iota. In fact, she became sullen, even more disagreeable, and horrid to be around when crossed or denied anything. We won't discuss how this personality formed; it's a long story involving a mild case of cerebral palsy and a psychologist who prescribed Stelazine at age 2 to "even her even-then erratic moods". Anyhow, one night last week, all three of us sat down at the kitchen table with a piece of paper & pencil each...and wrote down "Family Rules"...what we did and didn't like about what someone else has been doing and what to do about it...and the consequences of breaking a rule. We then read our rules, one at a time, taking turns. Bruce & I both had as number one: Kim is cranky, crabby, and negative about everything. She looked down and said nothing. I asked her if she realized this, and she quietly answered yes. I, for one, learned a great deal from what she wrote: things I didn't realize I was doing that were dead wrong. She became animated and cooperative from that point on...we still have problems, of course...and it's only been a week, but NOTHING ELSE HAD EVER WORKED. The "Rules List" is dynamic...we meet whenever necessary and append it. Consequences of breaking rules are interesting; adults must pay them too. For example, one hated chore around the house is picking up the dog dirt (we have 2 puppies who live outside); this is Kim's regular chore, and if an adult breaks a rule, he/she must do this chore one day. And so on. Perhaps this works only with children at an age of some reason... which I suspect. Reactions???
sr@u1100a.UUCP (Steven Radtke) (03/01/84)
You know, the family rules idea sounds like it really makes a difference to your family and is pretty exciting to me. However, my strongest reaction to what you said is that your child has to do the chore on a daily basis that is "punishment" to the adults, i.e., cleaning up dog crap. Maybe you all want to think about renegotiating that one some time. How can you expect a loved one to do something readily that you so hate yourself? I have pets, a dog and a cat, and MUCH as I hate to clean up after them I do it, so my wife doesn't have to. It's just a gesture, that's all and no big deal, unless I foul it up by complaining as I'm doing it. My wife knows about this and knows why I do it and appreciates it and its no big deal to her either. Steve Radtke