unicorn@bmcg.UUCP (05/07/84)
A recent reaction to my 2 working parents & kids article really gave me pause...does a family really have room for 2 "successful" computer careers and a family??? Assuming one doesn't have enough money for household help/lots of paid-for childcare, I think the answer is resoundingly NO! To rise on the managerial ladder of success, which I definitely haven't done -- and 2 opportunities have now passed me by -- you absolutely MUST be willing to put in many hours beyond the mythical 40/week. I was very irritated at the last promotion that passed me by, as the position was given to someone who'd been here only 4 months (as opposed to my over 2 years). I kept my mouth shut at the time, but circumstances have compelled me lately to question the decision. Background: I am not a 7 to 4, 8 to 5 person by philosophy... I will work like hell and churn out top quality work well ahead of schedule...then like to go home to be with my daughter. I resent, perhaps not rightly so, sitting around pretending to be busy when there is so much to do at home. I have NEVER been late with any project...nor has there every been any complaint about the quality of my work. This attitude has lead to severe reprimands about my behavior, and a "Which is more important to you, Company ? or your family?" Obviously, my family is... so, no promotions. Many times, my group is deluged with last minute "fire drill" work that hits us around 3-4 p.m. Group members have indeed stayed late, sometimes till 10 p.m. I never have. I have come in on weekends when necessary, but begrudgingly. Who would you promote? Ms. X (who has no children & is willing & does stay very, very late), or me? Does it matter that I'm "better" at my work? No! I countered with the following: No one has ever given me the chance to manage? If I were, I would probably put in the extra time. But would I!? Not at the expense of my daughter. Sooooo, my husband's career is more important than mine, not only because of traditional upbringing (i.e., it's the man's job that counts...the woman's is only supplementary), but also because I will leave when I must for Kim. Tomorrow I MUST be at a 5:30 school open house-spaghetti dinner with her (she's singing & wanting to share her room, etc)...at work, we are supposed to get much work late in the day. Once again, my name will be mud for leaving... Raising a child is a full-time job; my second level mgr. recently told me to reassess my priorities...if Kim were so important to me, why didn't I stay home with her???!!!! Even though my work is impeccable, this attitude prevails. What would you do?