unicorn@bmcg.UUCP (05/04/84)
I have received several vehement flames to my article about not having time for my 8 yr. old, but the helpful responses far outnumbered them and have given me some valuable insights into handling the situation. I am sad that some people think only to namecall and blast when they don't know all the details. My addiction to Jazzercize (or aerobics) caused the most con- traversy. What I didn't mention, as I thought it irrelevant, is that if I don't do daily exercise of a strenuous nature, my joints stiffen up from arthritis and I can't even move without pain. Also, our center is all of 5 minutes from the house, driving fast. I used to bring Kim with me, but she didn't enjoy it much. One suggestion was that I exercise during lunch (impossible here) or go at a later time. I did so last night (7-8 p.m.) while my husband played with Kim; it worked beautifully. The only disadvantage was eating dinner at 9 p.m. I also spoke with Kim about the situation as someone suggested. I was amazed at her response....out of the mouths of babes.... She said that she'd like me to be a "house mommy". When I explained that then we wouldn't be able to buy as much or go on mini-vacations, etc., she said: So? Just the act of talking with her about everything helped. It's easy to criticize others for "being self-centered & selfish", as one response called me, but not so easy to deal with day-to-day frustrations. As to hackers who are fathers: He works at a start-up company that DEMANDS 10+ hrs a day, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. Lots of their staff is bailing out after a one yr. stay, as you must stay 1 yr before your stock options are 20% yours. Most say if they had known how bad it would be, they would have never begun there. So I mislead with the term "hacker"--he isn't one by choice right now. Another flame said that hackers shouldn't have kids...well, she is mine from another marriage. Here are some very positive and helpful responses: >From uucp Thu May 3 11:03:41 1984 >From ihnp4!utcsrgv!dave Thu May 3 10:38:28 1984 remote from sdcsvax Received: by sdcsvax.UCSD; Thu, 3 May 84 10:38:28 pdt Date: 3 May 84 11:28:19 CDT (Thu) Message-Id: <8405031628.AA20207@ihnp4.ATT.UUCP> Received: by ihnp4.ATT.UUCP; id AA20207; 3 May 84 11:28:19 CDT (Thu) To: ihnp4!sdcsvax!bmcg!unicorn Subject: Re: Handling A Child & Two Working Parents??? References: <952@bmcg.UUCP> Can you make a "project" out of getting together after suppertime, with Kim, to do household chores? You might be able to turn them into some kind of game that you all do together. Can you have Kim phone one or both of you from school at lunchtime or recess? Not to be forced to call every day, or anything like that, but to know that if she wants to call and say hi, you'll be there to talk to her. Have you asked Kim? Seriously, show her the article you posted, tell her how important it is to you that she not feel neglected, and ask her for suggestions. (Feel free to post this if you like.) Dave Sherman Toronto utcsrgv!dave >From uucp Fri May 4 04:46:58 1984 >From ihnp4!burl!clyde!watmath!utzoo!utcsstat!wendy Fri May 4 02:21:56 1984 remote from sdcsvax Received: by sdcsvax.UCSD; Fri, 4 May 84 02:21:56 pdt Received: by ihnp4.ATT.UUCP; id AA03923; 4 May 84 03:23:12 CDT (Fri) Message-Id: <8405040715.AA01240@watmath> Date: Thu, 3 May 84 11:16:16 edt From: sdcsvax!ihnp4!clyde!watmath!utcsstat!wendy (Wendy Harrison) To: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!harpo!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!bmcg!unicorn Subject: Re: Handling A Child & Two Working Parents??? References: <952@bmcg.UUCP> Don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you should adjust your schedules somehow--you *do* need to spend some quality time with your daughter. Could you stagger your schedules more, so that one of you was around in the morning, for instance? Or persuade your husband to come home a bit earlier some nights. Or find some time during the day for your exercise--I exercise at lunchtime, but I happen to have a wonderful athletic facility up the street from my office, and I know most people don't have that. Or spend a bit of money to hire someone to do some housework--I still haven't resorted to that, but *someday* I plan on having someone come in once a week to do the vacuuming and floor washing at least--someday meaning when I can afford it. How about involving your daughter in *helping* with the chores--that way they get done quicker, you can spend some time together talking while they are getting done, and have time left over afterwards. Just a few ideas that I came up with. Good luck. Wendy Harrison University of Toronto P.S. How come your husband doesn't cook supper sometimes? I think this two-working-parents situation really only works when you are being *coparents*, i.e., sharing the domestic responsibilities, and the parenting tasks more or less equally, at least in the long run.
sharonb@hp-pcd.UUCP (05/11/84)
I have a helpful suggestion. Sometimes I follow my own advice, and sometimes I forget how helpful it is, and feel discouraged. This is it: Get a nice gym bag and fill it with "at home" or "jazzercize" clothes. On your way to the car , after work, stop by the restroom nearest to your car and slip into your "at home" or "jazzercize" clothes. Fold your good work clothes neatly. Go home. Smile - cause when you get home and your daughter yells Mommmmmmmmmy - you are ready - you have joined the 'at home' crowd. Do not, I repeat do not - put away the work clothes until your daughter is in bed. This procedure eliminates the desire to want a few minutes privacy to change clothes and use the restroom in peace just when the children want to tell you all their achievements or problems. Try it. You will like it.