essachs@ihuxl.UUCP (Ed Sachs) (05/29/84)
============================================================= Unfortunately, there isn't much that can be done about temper tantrums in young children (<3). If the tantrum is over something the kid wants to do that the parent thinks is inappropriate (such as crayoning on the wall), the best thing to do is to let it run its course. Tantrums over frustration over inability to communicate are more difficult to deal with, as the more upset the kid is, the more inarticulate he/she gets. You have to know what works with your own kid. When they get older, you can send them to their room until they calm down (older kids seldom have tantrums because they can't make themselves understood). -- Ed Sachs AT&T Bell Laboratories Naperville, IL ihuxl!essachs
feinberg@trwrb.UUCP (05/30/84)
On tantrums, I have had two separate experiences. My daughter, at
about two years old decided to try a tantrum. I looked at her
(calmly, I like to think) and said "I don't work all day to come
home to a little girl that behaves like this." We happened to
be in her bedroom, and I told her that when she was ready to
behave decently, she could join her daddy and I in the den. I
then walked out. She quit IMMEDIATELY and never threw a tantrum
again. Being a 21 year old first time mother, I really thought
I had things handled - Motherhood was a piece of cake if you
did it right.
My son, 5 years younger, started holding his breath at 5 months.
Yes, really. When he threw his first identifiable tantrum, I
tried the tactic above and it just plain didn't work. When I
left the room, he followed me, screaming. At 11, he has just
about outgrown tantrums, but I was never really successful in
stopping them with him. I would insist he stay in his room,
and sometimes he did, but would continue screaming so he could
be certain I could hear him. Sometimes I was afraid the
neighbors would call the authorities (and was a little concerned
that they didn't) because he sounded like he was being killed.
The point of all this, is that the first tactic might work,
if the personality of the child is receptive to it. I guess
the only thing I know that doesn't work is getting excited
about it and giving a tantrum attention - that is what they
are after, or so the books say.
Cheryl Feinbergmark@elsie.UUCP (05/30/84)
<> You're doing fine, just ignor her. Don't give her any reinforcment while she's kicking and screeming, positive or negative. Then (most important), when she's done kicking, screeming, ranting, raving and crying (or when the decibel level lowers enough that you can get near her) go over, pick her up, cuddle her, kiss her and tell her it's all right. This is what we do with our 3 year old and it works just fine. -- Mark J. Miller NIH/NCI/DCE/LEC UUCP: decvax!harpo!seismo!umcp-cs!elsie!mark Phone: (301) 496-5688
tekisg@tektronix.UUCP (Dale Jordan) (05/31/84)
What do you other parents (non-parents keep out of this one!) do about temper
tantrums? My 20 month old daughter has them when either 1) we won't let her
do something (taking apart the desk, climbing Daddy's stepladder, etc) or
2) we don't understand what she is so earnestly trying to tell us. In the
case of 1), I try to ignore them. In the case of 2), we try to figure out
what she is saying before she gets too frantic. If that doesn't work, we
just let her yell until she calms down (she won't let us pick her up) and
try again.
(Use the return address below!)
Lynne Fitzsimmons
UUCP: {allegra, decvax, ihnp4, orstcs, ucbvax, zehntel, ogcvax, reed,
uw-beaver, hplabs}!tektronix!teklabs!lynnef
CSnet: lynnef@tek ARPAnet: lynnef.tek@rand-relaykristy@dec-cgvax2.UUCP (06/02/84)
I've been lucky with my daughter. She started throwing tantrums a couple of months ago (she's presently 15 1/2 months old). She taught herself to stop throwing tantrums...unfortunately it was the hard way (literally). She wanted to go outside one afternoon -- nice weather, the whole bit. She had been outdoors most of the day at the babysitter's. When I came home, she still wanted to be outside. So I took her out, and she scrambled out of my arms (it seemed more like jumping out to me). When I tried to pick her up again, she threw herself down on the ground and rapped her head on the cement walk. No concussion (thank God!), but she hasn't thrown a tantrum since. *** Kristy Gleason ***
mark@umcp-cs.UUCP (06/02/84)
We take the attitude that when our children are attempting to get
attention there is a good reason for it. Ignoring such attempts
(in our opinion) leads to a feeling in the child (and later adult)
that he or she is not worth listening to, and perhaps even not worthy.
Don't be afraid of listening to a tantrum, and telling your child
all through the screaming that you love them. It will feel hard
to you, because probably no one listened to your tantrums. But
by sticking it out, the following good things happen: your
child gets good exercise, your child knows you will stick by
them and that your love is not conditional on certain behaviors
but unconditional (I think this last is important but perhaps others
disagree), you get to practice patience, you get to spend time with
your child (it may not seen fun to you, but the reading "Peter Rabbit"
the 10th in one day isn't much fun either. Your child likes it.)
Listening to a tantrum is not encouraging more of them, in my
experience with this method on two daughters, one now 2 and one now 6.
--
Spoken: Mark Weiser ARPA: mark@maryland
CSNet: mark@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!markpking@uiucuxc.UUCP (06/13/84)
#R:trwrb:-81000:uiucuxc:31400002:000:1101 uiucuxc!pking Jun 13 14:08:00 1984 on childern holding their breath-- my first child (who is know 9) did it until i was frantic, he did it when he was not allowed to have his own way--he kept this up for several months at the age of almost 2--finally in desperation i called the dr. his advice, walk away, a child can not hold his breath until he dies, or does any lasting damage, what will happen is the child will pass out and then start breathing again---i tried this, the first time was extremely difficult but worked, he tried it twice more and has not since-- after three childern i am still a firm believer in walking away when a child throws a tantrum from not being allowed to get his/her own way--and each of my childern had a different approach to tantrum throwing, but all responded well to the ignore approach-- as for those who childern who become frustrated because they can not communicate effectively, my childern did not suffer from this--- i also believe love and comfort have their place in a child's tantrum, but it depends on the cause and the age of the child--and above all every child is different .