greg@olivee.UUCP (08/07/84)
Our first-born, Matthew, was just under 2 when we found out that we were expecting another. We were very concerned about handling the situation, but we had very good luck. Our second, Joseph, is 16 months old now and, aside from usual minor squabbles over a toy, there has been lots of affection between the two and minimal jealousy or fighting. I don't know if it was because of anything we did, or if we were just lucky. We did keep in mind several points which might have helped. (1) As soon as we found out we were expecting another baby, we told Matthew before we told anyone else. Even though he wasn't 2 yet, he was alert and communicative and, we felt, would already be perceptive enough to know if everyone else was talking about something and not including him. We wanted him to feel "in" from the start. (2) We tried to emphasize from the beginning that this was HIS baby too, not just mine and my wife's. We let him know that we really needed his help with the baby. Once the baby was born, we did let him help with things like changing the diaper, bathing, etc. We also always asked his opinion on toys and clothing we were buying for the baby and tried to take it seriously. As far as the bathing, diapering, etc. goes - there are certainly times when this kind of "help" can seem to be more of a burden, particularly when you already have your hands full. I was, however, surprised at how much genuine help he could be and, of course, he was and is very proud of what he does to take care of his little brother. (3) As soon as possible (actually while my wife was still in the hospital) we made a point of one or the other of us taking time alone with Matthew to do something fun - go to the park for half an hour, take him to McDonald's (we're obviously not health-food-only types), etc. As I said, we might have been just lucky, but these might be some good ideas. - Greg Paley