liz@umcp-cs.UUCP (Liz Allen) (08/24/84)
First, let me say that I think there are two things that are distinct but have been confused in this discussion. Those are character and personality. I think T. C. Wheeler has been talking mostly about moulding character -- not personality. Now I realize that without character (in the good sense of the word), personality can be effected negatively. But being a sensitive, responsible individual can fit in with almost any personality type. So, it would seem to me that moulding character is a positive thing in child rearing, but forcing a foreign personality type on a child would not be (to say the least!) > From: alb@alice (Adam) > > I claim that T. C. Wheeler is absolutely wrong when he says that > how one rears one's child is none of anybody else's business. It > most certainly is. When that child grows up, he will become an > integral part of the world which we all must share. We will all > feel the effect that he has upon the society. I'm exaggerating? > Look at such radical groups as the KKK, Moral Majority (OK, radical > and reactionary groups), etc. Why do they continue? Why don't they > just die out with their generation? Because their members raise > their children to believe what they do. The members of the KKK > actually BELIEVE other races to be inferior. They cannot understand > why others do not. Why? Because they are narrow minded and were > brought up under STRONG parentage. Since Paul Dubac has already addressed the main point here by saying that the alternative of allowing the state to decide what parents cannot teach their children is much worse, I'll address a slightly different point. I see an underlying assumption here that if you teach your children what you believe that you are not allowing them to think for themselves. Some insecure parents may indeed be afraid to allow their children to question their beliefs, but teaching your children what you believe is not necessarily the same thing as teaching them not to think for themselves. Let's look at T. C. Wheeler's example again. Now, he *is* telling his kids what he believes, telling them when he thinks they are wrong in their opinion and disciplining them as he sees it is necessary. Yet, I don't see him telling his kids not to think or not to take any initiative. Instead, I see him teaching them to think for themselves by teaching them to read newspapers and watch the news where they can learn what is going on in the world and what other people think about it. Now, he didn't say this, but I would be surprised if he didn't also listen to their opinions and take them seriously. I also see him encouraging them to take initiative in projects and jobs. (I guess part of what I'm saying here is to please stop flaming at him for the way he's raising his children; from what he's said, I think he's doing a good job.) It *is* possible to teach your beliefs about what is wrong and still teach them to think for themselves, etc. I guess part of what I'm saying here is that a young child can't yet understand why you believe what you do, but once he or she is old enough and starts asking questions, I think you need to start answering them. If your beliefs are really worth having (are really right?), they should be able to stand on their own without you forcing them on your children... Well, I could say more, but those are my main points. As far as my own experience goes, I am not a parent, but up until a couple weeks ago, I had a roommate who is a single mom and (because of the situation) I found myself needing to learn a bit about parenting. Anyway, I've tried to keep this to mostly observations about parenting rather than telling you folks who have kids what to do... Though I suppose any time you state your values you say something about what should or should not be done...