[net.kids] strong parents

doherty@eosp1.UUCP (Suzanne Doherty) (08/21/84)

	I thouroughly do not agree with Rich's "let the kids grow
	in their own little ways" type attitude. Children are
	a product of their parents attitudes and affiliations
	regardless of what one might think. The lesser the parent
	involves his or herself with the task of child rearing
	the less likely the child is to perceive theirself as
	human being worhty of the attention of suitable friends,suitors
	or mates.The caring attention and sometimes strong guidence a
	parent gives to a child is a good indication to a small
	being with high hopes, that somebody is there to help determine
	the difference between the good and the bad, the right and the
	wrong, even if it is not a spoken thing. The strong presence
	of an interested parent could mean the difference between the
	success and failure of a childs ability to adapt to a world
	that is ever changing. It is often very hard for some parents
	to ever consider smacking ones child in front of the youngsters 
	friends, but once done it's a lot harder for young man/women
	to ever tell the parent to shut-up in front of the freinds
	who thought it cool. Also, who's to say that local school
	is to determine the education level of ones child and 
	eventual career? So, ones son wants to be a carpenter,
	o.k. but this does not mean a tech. school instead of
	a college prep. H.S. curriculum is better for the young adult.
	One owes it to their children to held assure a successful future for
	them, and being a strong,interested,and loving parent is the way to go.
	

ka@hou3c.UUCP (Kenneth Almquist) (08/24/84)

	It is often very hard for some parents to ever
	consider smacking [their] child in front of the youngster's 
	friends, but once done it's a lot harder for young man/women
	to ever tell the parent to shut-up in front of the friends
	who thought it cool.

This is one way to deal with the situation, but it is not the only
one.  Presumably your youngster (or his friends) want to watch you
become flustered when your authority is challenged.  If you don't
make a big deal over it, your child will have no reason to repeat
the experiment.  If, for example, you have asked your child to do
something and he tells you to shut up, you can repeat the request
in a tone of voice that indicates that you are serious.  If the
child still refuses, well, you can then smack him for refusing to
obey, *not* for having the temerity to experiment with saying
"shut up".

What prompted me to write this response were the references to
"strong" parents.  There are parents who are probably best off
hitting the child in the situation described.  Those are the
parents whose egos are threatenned by being told to shut up, and
who are therefore in danger of being manipulated by their children.
Such parents are not strong; they have to substitute force for
strength of personality.

I strongly agree that "being a strong,interested,and loving parent"
is a good thing, if by "strong" you mean "emotionally mature".  I
do not recomend following any theorys of child raising unless you
have considered them carefully and decided that they are compatible
with your personality.  In particular, I do not recomend trying to
be "strong".  Strength, interest, and love cannot be faked.
				Kenneth Almquist