ellen@ucla-cs.UUCP (09/17/84)
Certainly it is not yet commonplace, but it is no longer unusual for mothers and fathers/ husbands and wives to have different last names. I have my name and my husband has his. Why should I take his name anymore than he should take mine? We had a daughter - and both agreed that she should have both names, hyphenated (after all, she is no more the child of one of us than of the other). As for the problems of later life, if she should have children, I assume that she will reach a solution agreeable to her and the children's father. Why should a child be teased for having parents with different names? It definitely does not mean anything regarding the marital status of the parents. And plenty of children have divorced parents, with the mother resuming her pre-married name, or re-married parents, so that, the mother may have a different name than the child and the father if she is conventional and has taken her new husband's name. How about families with children from different marriages and a multiplicity of names? I don't know from personal experience, but do children from such multi-layered families get teased because their last names are different from their siblings'? In some cultures, newly married people take totally new names, and in some cultures, names are PERSONAL, not reflecting parentage, ancestorage, etc. In some cultures people do not have first and last names at all, but one single name - and the methods for acheiving names are flexible enough that one is unlikely to run into too many others with the same name. Our system may well be the anomoly.
brp@ihopb.UUCP (Ben Priest) (09/20/84)
<..> My wife likes her name so she decided to keep it. That was fine with me, since I didn't feel like changing mine. But what to do about the names of children is a sticky problem. If you give the child both names with a hyphen, then the poor kid has to write out this lon name all the time. It's a drag. If the kid grows up and gets married and has kid-what name do those kids take? Are you going to have a 3 hyphen name? By the way, changing your name in some states is a real legal hassle and expensive. Our solution: Male children take father's last name. Female children take mother's last name. Ben Priest
rcj1@ihuxi.UUCP (r j) (09/20/84)
>Certainly it is not yet commonplace, but it is no longer unusual >for mothers and fathers/ husbands and wives to have different last >names. I have my name and my husband has his. Why should I take >his name anymore than he should take mine? To each his own, but a family to me means everyone having the same name. I would have resented it vehemently had my wife refused to take on my last name. BTW, my wife was previously married, with 2 kids. They were 2 and 3 yrs old when we married. I have not legally adopted them yet,(they're 15 and 16 now) but have been going by my last name since they started school. (I'm going to have to adopt them, and soon to avoid problems with things like drivers license application, SS, etc...) >We had a daughter - and both agreed that she should have both names, >hyphenated (after all, she is no more the child of one of us than >of the other). As for the problems of later life, if she should >have children, I assume that she will reach a solution agreeable to her >and the children's father. You forgetting one thing. She gets married before she has children, in which case she'll probably take on her husbands name I guess. (It seems un-common to me that a woman does not want to take her husbands name, obviously, you are the exception.) >Why should a child be teased for having parents with different names? >It definitely does not mean anything regarding the marital status of >the parents. And plenty of children have divorced parents, with the >mother resuming her pre-married name, or re-married parents, so that, >the mother may have a different name than the child and the father if >she is conventional and has taken her new husband's name. Children tease other children for the dumbest things... I imagine kids view other kids with last names different then their parents as being odd. Especially the younger kids. They know somethings different, they just cant get a handle on it. >How about families with children from different marriages and a >multiplicity of names? I don't know from personal experience, >but do children from such multi-layered families get teased because >their last names are different from their siblings'? I know of one case in particular where there were 3 children from 1 father and 1 child from another. The later being the youngest child. My kids used to play with them and i can't say I recall any teasing going on. >In some cultures, newly married people take totally new names, >and in some cultures, names are PERSONAL, not reflecting parentage, >ancestorage, etc. In some cultures people do not have first and >last names at all, but one single name - and the methods for >acheiving names are flexible enough that one is unlikely to run >into too many others with the same name. Our system may well be >the anomoly. ...can you imagine: 253889, do you take 74338 42990 to be your...... Ray, ihnp4!ihuxi!rcj1
mark@gymble.UUCP (Mark Weiser) (09/21/84)
My wife, myself, and our children all have different last names.
We are the "reich-weiser family". It has been fun, and there
has been no abuse, teasing, etc.
--
Spoken: Mark Weiser ARPA: mark@maryland
CSNet: mark@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!markbrianp@shark.UUCP (Brian Peterson) (09/22/84)
If the kid has two parents' worth of last names to choose from,
why not take a little of each? That way the kid doesn't have two
raised-to-the-generation-this-has-been-going-on last names, and
the kid isn't stuck with the last name of only one parent but not
the other, in some sort of sexually oriented system.
The kid's last name would be built from parts of the parents' last
name, joined in the most pronouncable way (as determined by the parents).
Thus, Mr. Smith and Ms. Mayer might name their kid Mr. Smayer, or
Ms. Mith, or Ms. Mayith, etc. (As you see, it can get subjective)
Mr. Johnson and Ms. Tabor might have a Johbor or a Tabson.
Ms. Mayith might marry a Mr. Tabson and have Tabsiths, Tabyiths,
Maysons, or Maybsons. Or even Maytab or Yithson. Names don't have
to be constructed with one first part, and one last part.
It's new and different, but I think it is the only fair and sensible
way to deal with this last-name scheme we have grown up with.
(anyone want to drop last-names altogether? have N.Am indian type names?)
:-| :-) :-} :-> ;->
Brian Peterson {ucbvax, ihnp4, } !tektronix!shark!brianp
^ ^lat@stcvax.UUCP (Larry Tepper) (09/27/84)
Everyone is free to choose last names as they wish, of course,
but this practice is of hyphenating the spouses' last names
will work for only one generation.
What's going to happen when Lucy Anderson-Schmidt and Robert
Guinn-Lopez decide to get married? Even if she marries James
Knox they'll have an awfully long name... And then there's
the problem of parsing:
Ed, I'd like you to meet my friend Lucy Anderson-Schmidt-Knox.
Ed (to Lucy): Is that Anderson-(Schmidt-Knox) or
(Anderson-Schmidt)-Knox?
*-) [A smiling cyclops...]
--
"I am not Herbert." -- Spock
{ihnp4 hao philabs sdcrdcf ucbvax!nbires}!stcvax!lat Larry Tepper
Storage Technology, MD-3T, Louisville, CO 80028 303-673-5435mark@gymble.UUCP (Mark Weiser) (09/27/84)
To each his own, but a family to me means everyone
having the same name. I would have resented it
vehemently had my wife refused to take on my last
name.
Oh, so you would NOT have resented it if she asked YOU to take on
HER last name?
...(It seems un-common to me that a woman does
not want to take her husbands name, obviously, you are
the exception.)
It is not uncommon at all. That is why this discussion is taking
place. Take blinders off before typing 'f'.
(a) Children tease other children for the dumbest things...
I imagine kids view other kids with last names different
then their parents as being odd. Especially the younger
kids. They know somethings different, they just cant
get a handle on it.
(b) I know of one case in particular where there were 3
children from 1 father and 1 child from another.
The later being the youngest child.
My kids used to play with them and i can't say
I recall any teasing going on.
Paragraph (a) says a priori kids might be teased, but paragraph
(b) says they aren't in at least one case of last name differences.
My expererience with two children with different last names than
their parents is that there is no teasing. This may be because
their playmates have no reason to know that their parents last
name is different, or don't care, I don't know. But really,
it is not a problem. If you want to all have the same last name
for personal reasons, ok, but don't pretend it is for the children's sake.
Just admit its because you consider your wife your property and so
want your name stamped on her. :-)
--
Spoken: Mark Weiser ARPA: mark@maryland
CSNet: mark@umcp-cs UUCP: {seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!markpeg@linus.UUCP (Margaret E. Craft) (10/02/84)
You avoided the question: why does it make more sense for the woman to take the man's name than the other way around? You said you'd object "vehemently" if your wife had "refused" to take on your last name... Sound to me like you're into ownership, not partnership... Yes, there's "tradition" behind the woman losing her name, but i think many of us see tha tradition as presentative of an attitude that has changed, and should change even more - namely, a move toward equaity in a relationship. And as for you comment about the submitter being the exception - i don't know where YOU live, but it is certainly NOT "exceptional" for women to keep their given names around here. The only thing you said that DID make sense had to do with families being conhesive units - but to you that meant having the same last name!! pretty narrow view of togetherness... perhaps we should all dye our hair the same color too...