marc@mouton.UUCP (11/06/84)
Here's a new topic for discussion. Do you pair kids up in one bedroom even if you have room to give each a separate bedroom. How important are the ages and/or age differences. My son is 27 months, my daughter 7. Right now we are experimenting with the room arrangements. I'd be interested in hearing of other's experiences. Marc Pucci (bellcore!marc, mouton!marc)
nomi@hou2a.UUCP (N.GUTENMACHER) (11/07/84)
Speaking not as a parent but from my observations of friends and relatives who did/not share rooms with siblings... I plan to have as many of my kids in one room as can fit comfortably. Kids who share a room learn sharing, compromise, social skills. Siblings who grew up in the same room -- I have found -- are closer friends (which to me is important for my kids). I would hate to deprive my kids of the kind of fun my sister and I had, playing and giggling late into the night. "Privacy" is the big word here. For some reason parents feel their kids need their own room or they are deprived. I dont believe kids need that kind of privacy -- I would call it loneliness. Of course its good if there is some room where a kid can go to when they want to play or think or work alone sometimes, and by the time they are teenagers you can give them their own room (if they dont get along yet or they haven't learned those social skills, they probably never will) -- by this time privacy IS usually an issue. I would be interested to know if others have made similar, or dissimilar observations.
essachs@ihuxl.UUCP (Ed Sachs) (11/07/84)
<> > Here's a new topic for discussion. Do you pair kids up in one bedroom > even if you have room to give each a separate bedroom. How important are > the ages and/or age differences. We've always (from the time we've had >2 kids) paired them up. Our first two (boy, girl) were 2 years apart, and shared a room from the time the younger (girl) was 6 weeks old. When the third was born (girl), the other two were 6 and 4. When the baby was about 2 months old, she moved in with the 4 year old daughter and our 6 year old son got his own room. The two older children missed each other greatly. Fortunately, there was an extra bed in each room (two twin beds besides the crib in the girls' room, and bunk beds in the boy's room), so they visited back and forth frequently for a year or so. Conclusion: Kids like the company of other kids in their bedrooms, they get lonely in a room all by themselves. -- Ed Sachs AT&T Bell Laboratories Naperville, IL ihnp4!ihuxl!essachs
dgt@pegasus.UUCP (11/08/84)
It seems that parents are under the impression that kids LOVE to share rooms. I grew up sharing a room and I can tell everyone that I would have loved my own room. My sister and I got along really well but we needed our own space (even when we were little). We usually always shared everything from toys to tales, but at times one or the other wanted to have some privacy, to do such things like cry, get punished, sleep, or escape with friends. Until I was 16 I always had to share and never felt that anything was mine. Of course space is not always available, but when our kids get beyond two I will have separate rooms if at all possible. I feel that children need privacy just like adults. There are plenty of other times when the kids can share and grow together. Candace
saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (11/08/84)
How about asking your 7-year old daughter how she feels aboutit.
I don't have any children myself, but it does seem to me that
there is not ONE answer to your question, as each child is different.
Sophie Quigley
...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax}!watmath!saquigleysaquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (11/08/84)
In my case there was never any question of whether or not to share rooms
with my siblings as I am an only child. I don't remember feeling lonely
because of lack of siblings as I always spent a lot of time with my friends
(who I got to CHOOSE). I still wouldn't have liked to share a room with
them. Am I selfish because I was deprived of this wonderful opportunity
to "learn to share"? no, on the contrary I have noticed that I am more
generous than other people. When I give, I do it because I want to, not
because I don't care anymore.
It still upsets me how people always want to kill flies with sledgehammers.
It seems to me that if you have a choice, the reason for which you should
let your kids share a room is if they both want it, not because you
surrepticiously want to influence them into growing up a certain way.
I really can't understand how forcing someone to do something will teach them
how to love doing it, it will teach them how to do it, but there's a pretty
good chance it will also teach them to hate doing it at the same time.
There are other ways to teach people to do things without forcing it down
their throats. It seems to me that growing up with someone who constantly
takes your things away teaches you to accept having your things taken away,
and that's VERY DIFFERENT from sharing. The first one is a very passive
attitude which borders on the dangerous if extended into adult life (isn't
that what you wanted, to tech them life skills?), the second one is a positive
act.
Sophie Quigley
...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax}!watmath!saquigleysmuga@hogpd.UUCP (J.SMUGA) (11/08/84)
My children were together in one room from the time the little one stopped sleeping in a crib, a little before she turned two. (She had to sleep in a bed on a trip we took, and never went back to the crib.) Anyway, the kids themselves let us know that they preferred separate rooms. They were both still preschoolers at the time. The younger one tried out several alternative sleeping places, both with and without consulting us. Finally we made over the playroom into a bedroom for her. It's small, but it's hers. The kids spend hours playing together during the day. They are both girls and less than two years apart in age. Neither one shows any inclination to go back to sharing a room.
bkaye@extel.UUCP (11/08/84)
Both my daughters are completely different in personnality. Although they get along just fine and I feel the 3 year age difference is perfect I don't think they would be as happy sharing a room. One is very quite and ladylike (she loves to go to her room and read or listen to her radio or practice her clarinet) the other is a bit "tom-boyish" and likes to leave her room cluttered with all sorts of "precious" things. She also like to practice her instrument a flute and I feel those differences are what make them unique and sharing a room could inhibit that. Most parents can tell the personality of their children almost right after bringing them home from the hospital. If possible I think separate rooms are important - especially as the teen years approach. Just an opinion - bkaye
greg@olivej.UUCP (Greg Paley) (11/09/84)
We're going through the room-sharing dilemma ourselves. We're buying a 3-bedroom house and have two small boys (1 1/2 and 4 yrs). Currently, both have their own rooms. We're seriously considering putting them together in the new house and using the other bedroom as a play room for both of them. We already forsee one problem that might bring the whole idea to an end. The older one is afraid of the dark and the younger one can't sleep with a light on. We'll probably try to compromise with a fairly dim nightlight. I'll be interested in followup from people who've tried this. - Greg Paley
mangoe@umcp-cs.UUCP (Charley Wingate) (11/11/84)
I think you have to consider the individuals. Some kids seem to need more privacy. I shared a room with at least one brother until I was 10 or 11. I could hardly wait to get my own room. I would try sharing first; it's real hard to force them all into one room when they've gotten used to seperate rooms. Charley Wingate umcp-cs!mangoe (note: I have no children)
saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (11/11/84)
I guess you all think that I am starting to froth at the mouth on that
one, but for some reason it really gets to me. So I'll make one last
suggestion and shut up:
How about having each child in her/his own room, AND having a foam pad
that can be used as a bed anywhere, and can be set up easily so that
they could sleep in the same room whenever they feel like it? This
way your children could have all the advantages of sharing a room whenever
they feel like it without having to deal with the daily disadvantages.
Not only is this solution flexible, but it might be much more exciting
for the children involved if they are the ones making the decision to
"invite" each other. Acting grownup is quite fun when you're a kid.
Anything out of the ordinary is quite fun when you're a kid, so you
might as well let them enjoy all those wonderful little pleasures
while they still know how to do it.
Sophie Quigley
...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax}!watmath!saquigleyraghu@rlgvax.UUCP (K. Raghunathan) (11/11/84)
Reading all about room-sharing here makes me want to relate my experiences with room-sharing when I was young (in INDIA) if only to let people realize how good (or is it bad?) kids in America have it. We are a family of six (four children - 2 boys, 2 girls) and we lived in a 2 bedroom house. All 4 of us children shared one bedroom till the eldest of us (my elder sister) was 16 and the youngest was 8; I was 14. Then we moved to a 3 bedroom house where the girls shared a bedroom (till my sister, at 18, went off to college) and the boys shared a bedroom (till I went to college at 18). We got along famously together even when all four of us were cramped in one bedroom (even though we had occasional tiffs as all kids do). I can't understand what all this noise about kids wanting privacy is about. In my experience children enjoy sharing with other children and get lonely very soon if left to themselves (ofcourse, we didn't have any choice in my family). When I have children, I'll make sure they share a bedroom (max. 2 to a room) even if I have extra bedrooms; unless they specifically ask for seperate rooms. I think it is healthier to share things from the start rather than create an atmosphere of "mine - yours". NOTE THAT MY EXPERIENCE IS BASED IN INDIA AND MAY NOT APPLY IN THE U.S., BUT I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULDN'T.
marie@harvard.ARPA (Marie Desjardins) (11/14/84)
For little kids (i.e. younger than 4? I guess it would depend on how quickly your children mature) I think it's a good idea for children to share a room for your convenience (and theirs -- if something is wrong with one the other one may alert you). But as they get older, why don't you ask them?! Kids that I have known (no, I don't have any, but babysat a LOT when I was younger and knew the kids I stayed with very well) actually do have opinions -- and if they want their own room, let them have it (but I wouldn't go to too much trouble fixing up their new room, they might quickly change their minds). One family that I knew had twin boys; until they were around 5 they shared a room, and after that, had separate rooms. But they liked to play "sleepover" (one had a double bed, and the other had two twin beds) and their mother let them. This let them have both -- privacy AND sharing. Seemed like the best solution to me. Marie desJardins marie@harvard