colonel@gloria.UUCP (George Sicherman) (01/26/85)
> > I can only tell you what has worked for me. I have spanked upon occasion > > so that they know that I WILL if needed. It is the kiss of death to SAY > > you will and then don't. And kids will call you! Try (I can't always) > > Right you are. Kids want consistency. They don't want baloney. > Which is what we as parents are giving them if we say we're going > to do something and then don't do it. We're not doing them any > favors by giving them such a bad example. We might think we're > being nice to them, but we're training them that they can say one > thing and do another (and we expect them to keep *their* word, > right?). Which brings up the question of why parents act inconsistently toward their kids. Usually they're advocating one kind of conduct and secretly favoring a different kind. > > not to spank when angry. Set the pace of the escalation yourself. Spank > > up front BEFORE you get all out of sorts with the kid. (It's hard!) > > Right again. One thing that's important is not to get to the state > where you're threatening the child with a spanking if they don't obey. I'm not sure that this is important. My young half-brother-in-law often misbehaves. His mother continually threatens him with beating, and occasionally beats him. The threats subdue him, but only briefly. When he misbehaves with me, I sometimes get angry and hit him on the head. He regrets it but does not seem to resent it. In fact, he likes me very well, perhaps because I never threaten him. > Disobedience should be met with discipline immediately. Why? > Because if the child obeys only after receiving a threat, you're > training him to obey THREATS, and not to recognize your authority. > There's a difference. Discipline is a method for enforcement of > authority (yours), not a bargaining tool. Otherwise, they'll drag > it out longer and longer, to see how long before you break. Right, except that "authority" is rather chimerical. I would say instead that the child will acknowledge your superior strength and judgment, and (assuming you have any) your good will towards him. "The best brought-up children are those who have seen their parents as they are. Hypocrisy is not the parent's first duty." G. B. Shaw, _Man and Superman_ (1903) -- Col. G. L. Sicherman ...seismo!rochester!rocksanne!rocksvax!sunybcs!gloria!colonel