regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard) (10/09/85)
I had read about the biting thing before my first was born, so I was ready when it actually happened. My daughter bit someone else (at preschool) once that I heard of and bit me once at home, within 2 days of each other. In spite of my "preparation", what I did was react like a normal outraged person who'd been bit. I yelled long and loud at her, used a little reason, a little intimidation and a lot of downright indignant hurt. It was not a pleasant or accepting response. She got the message and never bit anybody again. She was 2 to 2 1/2 at the time. I personally never bothered patiently explaining to my daughter that such- and-such behaviour hurts poor mommy, and she doesn't want to hurt poor mommy does she? Rather, I told her, in no uncertain terms that such-and- such behaviour hurts therefore she doesn't get to do it, period. I'm not sure if she caught the motivational logic of the first by reading through the second, if she knuckled under to larger-animal force (her current behaviour would lead me to doubt she knuckles under to anything), a mixture of the two, or some other alternative I haven't discovered BUT the net result was that she didn't practice socially undesirable behaviour at the cost of other people, which is what you are after isn't it? Why soft-pedal it? She's continuing in a behaviour that is detrimental to you and to her. She KNOWS biting hurts - she KNOWS you don't like it. You've told her both things. What she apparently doesn't know is that you won't put up with it. If that's your message, I humbly suggest that you indeed stop putting up with it. Just my opinion - I'm serious about the "humbly". I always hate it when people hand out unsolicited advice. This wasn't unsolicited, but it still is advice. Yuck. Adrienne Regard